Oh, The Risks We Take

I took a big risk earlier today. I told a friend about this blog. Surprisingly, I haven't told many people that I consider myself a sex addict. This is a close friend, and I felt safe telling her. Funny thing is, she mentioned a friend (whom I also know) that she suspects may suffer from the same problem.

(Of course, addict that I am, my mind immediately began racing. She noticed this and started giggling. But I wouldn't actually try to act on that revelation, because that would be taking advantage of privledged info. And I may be a sex addict, but I'm not a cold, calculating shit.)

This Is Mild, Compared to Past Risks...

My sexual history isn't quite fraught with risk. I'm not stupid, just often desperate. But there have been some episodes, for which I'm relieved (and no small part amazed) that I haven't tested positive for any serious STDs. I've had a single urinary tract infection, and I've been treated for HPV once. Luckily, I haven't had any recurrence of that nor have I passed it to anyone else.

• The woman I lost my virginity to had herpes. She warned me ahead of time, but of course in the heat of the moment I chose the risk. I sweated it out for months before I got tested and found I was in the clear.
• One girlfriend and I had our first two sexual encounters unprotected. I don't know why, but I had assumed she was on the pill. We were tense for a few weeks, until her period came. We probably shouldn't have moved from oral sex to all-the-way so quickly, but we were slaves to our hormones.
• There was an incident with one sex worker. She had agreed to let me go down on her, and I guess I did something right because when I stopped, she went wild and pulled me up and straight inside her. Alas, we forgot that minor detail of the condom. I won't go into any more detail, but it was time for another set of tests.
• I've missed police busts of massage parlors sometimes by mere hours.

Of course, a lot of us take risks that we don't even really think about at the time. I've met several people online, and moved to meeting in person and almost immediately have sex. That's not exactly unheard of, either. That sort of thing happens a lot, after all. And there are a lot of risks I haven't taken-- I don't use drugs, even when I suspected it could lead to sex. Same with alcohol.

It does leave me wondering, why I took the risks I did. I mean, beyond the obvious reasons. I'm definately a lot more cautious these days.

Dausa