33 Days, 33 Posts: Day 18 - Pick a Card
Oh boy, but today was hard. In both senses of the word.
Fever having broke, my energy and appetite(s) were back. As it happened, I had a doctor's appointment already today, a check-up on a weight-monitoring program they have me on (lost 6 pounds in the last four weeks!). They gave me a clean bill of health flu-wise, and told me that I needed to be eating more protein in my diet (no wisecracks from the peanut gallery... especially Gracie and BBG). Too much of the weight was from lean body mass, not enough from fat. But they said it was better than not having lost any weight at all!
It felt good to have an appetite for real food again. Last week's local weekly alt-paper (the Metro) had a cover story on the local Koreatown district that also featured a round-up of several restaurants. I'd been dying to try them out, since Korean is one of my favorite cuisines.
But other appetites came back with a vengeance, as well. And I'd have buckled, too, except that I fell back on an old decision-making trick. See, I often know that when I'm considering going to see an escort, that it's the wrong thing to do, at least at the time. Maybe money is tight, maybe I know deep-down that my real issues-of-the-moment are loneliness, things that an hour with a sex worker won't help. But I'm an addict, see, so just knowing that it's "wrong" isn't enough. So I let the cards tell me. No, not Tarot. Just ordinary cards.
I shuffle the deck, and I decide on a color. Usually, I choose red in honor of the reddish-pink I'm considering paying to see. I cut, and I take the top three. If the majority are red, I decide I'm going to go ahead and do it. If I haven't already, I find someone I'm interested in seeing. Usually, there are 2-4 that catch my eye, so I use the deck again. I try to start with either exactly two or four. I do the same basic thing, assigning colors to the people (or to pairs when there are four) and choose by the majority. Repeat if necessary. I don't always go this route, sometimes I'm absolutely sure of myself, and my reasons for choosing to go the commercial route and I just do it. But today, I was torn between keeping to my goal, or getting my ashes hauled.
Fortunately for my vow, it wasn't in the cards.
-D
Fever having broke, my energy and appetite(s) were back. As it happened, I had a doctor's appointment already today, a check-up on a weight-monitoring program they have me on (lost 6 pounds in the last four weeks!). They gave me a clean bill of health flu-wise, and told me that I needed to be eating more protein in my diet (no wisecracks from the peanut gallery... especially Gracie and BBG). Too much of the weight was from lean body mass, not enough from fat. But they said it was better than not having lost any weight at all!
It felt good to have an appetite for real food again. Last week's local weekly alt-paper (the Metro) had a cover story on the local Koreatown district that also featured a round-up of several restaurants. I'd been dying to try them out, since Korean is one of my favorite cuisines.
But other appetites came back with a vengeance, as well. And I'd have buckled, too, except that I fell back on an old decision-making trick. See, I often know that when I'm considering going to see an escort, that it's the wrong thing to do, at least at the time. Maybe money is tight, maybe I know deep-down that my real issues-of-the-moment are loneliness, things that an hour with a sex worker won't help. But I'm an addict, see, so just knowing that it's "wrong" isn't enough. So I let the cards tell me. No, not Tarot. Just ordinary cards.
I shuffle the deck, and I decide on a color. Usually, I choose red in honor of the reddish-pink I'm considering paying to see. I cut, and I take the top three. If the majority are red, I decide I'm going to go ahead and do it. If I haven't already, I find someone I'm interested in seeing. Usually, there are 2-4 that catch my eye, so I use the deck again. I try to start with either exactly two or four. I do the same basic thing, assigning colors to the people (or to pairs when there are four) and choose by the majority. Repeat if necessary. I don't always go this route, sometimes I'm absolutely sure of myself, and my reasons for choosing to go the commercial route and I just do it. But today, I was torn between keeping to my goal, or getting my ashes hauled.
Fortunately for my vow, it wasn't in the cards.
-D
Labels: 33 days, addiction, commercial sex, temptation
posted by Dausa at
11:20 PM
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