Diary of An Unrepentant Sex Addict

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Defining Unrepentant

When I fell off the wagon a little while back, a couple of respondents to that post reminded me of the "unrepentant" part of my self-identification. To them, my irritation at myself seemed to go against that.

Well, just to clarify, there's a difference (for me) between unrepentant and being angry at having gone against my own standards. I'm still all about feeding my addiction whenever I can (within reason). Sex is great. Sex is fun. But that wasn't the point.

The point was that I'd decided to go off of commercial sex, at least for the next 8+ months while I get my finances ironed out. I'd even made a point to go back to a provider I'd seen before, one whom I knew would provide a good "retirement" session. I needed to lay off of this.

But I went back. I didn't just go back, I went cheap and got a bad experience for it. It's not that I'm not unrepentant, I was just pissed at myself for spending the money against my wishes, and ending up with squat to show for it.

It's one thing to realize, post-coitus, that you've just fucked someone you didn't particularly like just for the sake of an orgasm. This felt more like self-sabotage, self-betrayal.

I'm still very unrepentant. And very horny these days. Maybe I'll try using my right hand, for a change.

D

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