Tales of Disastrous Sex 3: Love's Labours Lost

Not all of my stories of disaster can be humorous, I'm afraid.

In 1991, I had to move back to Oklahoma from Denver, when my first job went belly-up. Prior to this, I had gotten back in touch with a friend who lived in Tulsa. She was someone I had a hopeless crush on-- hopeless, because she was a lesbian. We had known each other several years, and there always seemed to be a bit of chemistry, but we'd never pursued it. She just wasn't into penis. Well, she was having some doubts about that part lately, and how would I feel about swinging through Tulsa on my way to OKC? Mind you, it was a good 100 miles or so added to my trip. (As if I wouldn't consider driving an extra 100 miles to get laid, even in a U-Haul!) Well, long story short: I got there later than planned, and more fatigued than I expected. I had to continue on to OKC the next morning, so we went to bed and just slept. At some point in the night, one of us woke the other one (I honestly don't remember who woke whom) and we proceeded to have very bad, fumbling, clumsy, uncomfortable sex. I lost track of her again, and haven't heard from her since.

A few weeks before that, I had met someone at a party, and we had hooked up. She was weird, a strong follower of Messianic Judaism, and very aggressive. We slept together twice, though I was already worrying that this broke my "don't fuck someone crazier than I am" rule. In the afterglow of the second time, I confided in her that I was worried I was going to have to move back to Oklahoma. Then I did. But it all happened so fast that I didn't have the chance to call her before I left, and I lost her number. A few years later, after I'd returned to Denver and settled in to a more stable job, I ran into her at a birthday party for a mutual friend. I went up and apologized for disappearing as I had, but that I did in fact have to go back to OKC, and had only recently managed to get a better job and return to Denver. I tried to smooth things out, to be as considerate as I could be, but she was still pissed and wasn't interested in a word I had to say. And told me so, in so many words. So my last words to her were, "Well, at least I tried to apologize." I can't blame her for being bitter, but it's clear that I probably shouldn't have stuck my dick up there in the first place, addict or no. (Though, once she put my name on the mailing list for her church, I felt a lot less guilt and a lot more annoyance.)

Luckily, that's all I can think of at this late hour. Understand that I've had my share of positive and negative sexual experiences. I'm not picking these two just because they were bad, but because they really, really hurt someone in the process. It's just as well I don't remember any others. I can only hope it's because they're few and far-between.

Dausa