Smoke Gets In My Eyes

So, I've decried smoking in earlier posts, and gotten some interesting comments. So it seems I should clarify, and at the same time come clean: I can't stand kissing someone who smokes, while on the other hand I have a serious smoking fetish.

See, smoking just screams "oral fixation." And I love oral fixation. Plus, it's a wonderful visual treat, to see someone sexy slowly wrapping their lips around the tip of a phallic symbol. Her lips close around it, and there is the slight hollowing of the cheeks as she draws in. Then the exhale, slow and sultry if I'm lucky. Even the way the cloud of smoke can sometimes momentarily blur the face of the smoker. Think Natasha Henstridge in The Whole Nine Yards, Linda Fiorentino in The Last Seduction, or Asia Argento in B Monkey. I find myself tranfixed by their mouths. I've even rented movies just on the recommendation of the Female Celebrity Smoking List. (A website that proves I'm hardly alone in my fetish.)

Unfortunately, this is a classic case of fantasy not even remotely matching reality. For me, at least. I've only dated (as in more than two or three dates) a smoker twice. I joke that the second time was because I'd forgotten the negatives of the first time. (In reality, the second one was another case-study in addiction that I'll write about sometime in the future.) The "kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray" quip isn't that far off the mark. For me, there's a truly noticable taste present when kissing a smoker that isn't there otherwise. And, again for me at least, it isn't a pleasant one. I once had a very erotic dream in which I was making out with Julie Delpy (an unapologetic smoker) in which it was disrupted when my subconscious suddenly realized I wasn't "tasting" what I should be. Damn it, it was a really good dream up to that point, too.

But lest anyone think that I am absolutely unyielding on the topic, I must confess to allowing myself an out. An out I'll never have to make good on, but you never know. I keep a mental list of celebrities that I find so unbelieveably hot and desirable that I would give up my anti-smoking stance for them. If I ever had the chance. The list changes as my own tastes ebb and flow, but for the record here are the 5 current celebrities I would shag silly if given the chance:

• Angelina Jolie - though conflicting reports have her having quit
• Fairuza Balk - something tells me she would be the death of me
• Kate Winslet - very classy, very British, and very curvy
• Rebecca Romijn - newly-single from John Stamos!
• Monica Belluci - simply the hottest Italian export ever, as far as I'm concerned

Of course, since these are all unreachable fantasies, I'll never have to make good on it...

Dausa