It's My Birthday...
(Yes, I'm back-dating this post to make it fit, because I was out with friends and forgot to write the post on the actual day.)
...and it's the blog's birthday, too.
I started doing this one year ago, on my 37th birthday. I'm 38 today, and when I look back over the archives I'm actually a little disappointed in myself. Mostly for not writing more frequently. But also because I see in stark terms how little effort I was able to put into sex, let alone actual relationships. I say "able", as if it were entirely the fault of my company for overworking me, or my (platonic) friends for hogging my time. But I have the lion-share of the responsibility, for basically laying back and letting things stagnate.
In my defense, the last 12 months have also marked a painful condition that required surgery. Some sexual function problems due in part to the health issues but also due to my letting my own general health and fitness decline. Then, of course, there was the breaking of the foot and the losing of the job (update on the break will follow this post).
But I did have some sex in the past 12 months, some of it just so-so and some of it really amazingly good. But I truly hope that the second year of Dausa is overall better. I'm about to embark on an exciting, new, scary chapter in my life as I leave California for England. When I moved from Oklahoma to Colorado, and from Colorado to California, I kept telling myself that this would be my chance to start over as a new me-- one that wasn't shy to the point of debilitation, one that wasn't still affected by the guilt and hang-ups that came from being raised in a fundamentalist evangelical Christian church. Of course, each time I moved I woke up to new surroundings, but I woke up as the same me.
So this time, I'm not fooling myself into thinking that moving to London is going to magically change me into the smooth, ultra-extroverted persona I often wish I could be. No, this time I'm going to go to my new home expecting to have to make all those changes manually. But I will go with the hopes for starting fresh, on a clean slate.
So here's to the next 12.
D
...and it's the blog's birthday, too.
I started doing this one year ago, on my 37th birthday. I'm 38 today, and when I look back over the archives I'm actually a little disappointed in myself. Mostly for not writing more frequently. But also because I see in stark terms how little effort I was able to put into sex, let alone actual relationships. I say "able", as if it were entirely the fault of my company for overworking me, or my (platonic) friends for hogging my time. But I have the lion-share of the responsibility, for basically laying back and letting things stagnate.
In my defense, the last 12 months have also marked a painful condition that required surgery. Some sexual function problems due in part to the health issues but also due to my letting my own general health and fitness decline. Then, of course, there was the breaking of the foot and the losing of the job (update on the break will follow this post).
But I did have some sex in the past 12 months, some of it just so-so and some of it really amazingly good. But I truly hope that the second year of Dausa is overall better. I'm about to embark on an exciting, new, scary chapter in my life as I leave California for England. When I moved from Oklahoma to Colorado, and from Colorado to California, I kept telling myself that this would be my chance to start over as a new me-- one that wasn't shy to the point of debilitation, one that wasn't still affected by the guilt and hang-ups that came from being raised in a fundamentalist evangelical Christian church. Of course, each time I moved I woke up to new surroundings, but I woke up as the same me.
So this time, I'm not fooling myself into thinking that moving to London is going to magically change me into the smooth, ultra-extroverted persona I often wish I could be. No, this time I'm going to go to my new home expecting to have to make all those changes manually. But I will go with the hopes for starting fresh, on a clean slate.
So here's to the next 12.
D
Labels: blogging, health, navel-gazing
posted by Dausa at
8:00 PM
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