33 Days, 33 Posts: Day 27 - One Week From Today

...I'm gonna have the most powerful orgasms I've had since the day I discovered masturbation.

A little over two years ago, I took a class called "The Art of Living". I was extremely skeptical, because it sounded very new-agish and all. And it seemed to be very focused on the East Indian community, which I'm not exactly going to blend into very easily. But the person who suggested it was someone I trusted, and I went. It was a very positive experience, though like many things I've tried that had positive impact, I managed to fall out of the habits.

So today, I decided to get back into the habit. I went to a local weekly meditation this morning, where I stood out like the proverbial sore thumb; only white person there, and 5-6 inches taller than anyone else. It was awkward, as I'd forgotten a lot of the mechanics, but eventually I got back into the rhythm. The next thing is for me to make certain I go again next week. There have been so many things in the past that I've tried to do in the name of self-improvement, and to the one I always end up falling out of the habit after a few months or so.

Unlike a lot of people, I can't change my habits, or create new ones, very easily. In fact, it's extremely difficult. Trying to change my diet in an effort to lose weight... trying to get up earlier so that I can exercise even a little bit... all of these are things that I sincerely want to do, but regularly fail to do. For someone as adept at software engineering as I've proven to be, I'm stunningly absent-minded when it comes to remembering new additions to daily routines.

In other news, last night I dreamed that I was once again able to, ahem, attend to my own needs. It's a wonder I didn't wake up swimming in my own fluids. It felt so real, I couldn't believe my luck (and upon waking, realized that I was right not to). I tell you, if I ever manage to get to where I can do that again, I may never leave my apartment. I sure as shit won't be trying any "33 Days" stunts like this one again...

-D

33 Days, 33 Posts: Day 16 - Oops

This post I've had to back-date by an hour or so, to make it fall on the correct date. I've slept pretty much all of today, except for a little bit earlier when I woke up long-enough to bathe, re-hydrate and check e-mail (and post the Valentine-thing). Should have just done the 33 Days post then, but I went back to sleep.

In other news, I had some intensely-sexual dreams last night. Figures, they come amidst high fevers. I had a nocturnal semi-emission, no less: I woke up at one point on the brink of orgasm, but it only leaked a little bit before the swelling subsided. It was kind of cool! My entire adolescence, I never had a wet dream. The only one I've ever had was my freshman year of college...

I still remember a lot about the dream itself. The woman was Asian, I remember that. At this point, I'd only dated other Caucasian women (and had the on-off affair with the black woman). Granted, I encountered a lot of Asian people in the engineering department, but I hardly fantasized about Asian women specifically. I remember her reaching up to me from the bed, pulling me down to her and pulling me into her. I remember there being kissing. But what I remember most, is that I was already fairly certain it was a dream (usually, when I realize I'm dreaming I can still stay asleep for a while and enjoy it), and it was the first time I could think of that I actually orgasmed in a dream. I remember thinking that it felt so good, when I came. Then her face faded and I woke up. Woke up kind of abruptly, too, due to the sudden damp stickiness around my shorts (a problem I've since solved by sleeping naked!). Fortunately, I was able to clean up and change and get back to sleep without waking my dorm-mate, who was even more sexually-obsessed than I was, and would have made a serious production out of it had he known. (Only weeks before, drunk on Wild Turkey, he'd confessed that he knew I was wanking with some frequency, and explained the ways in which he'd been keeping tabs on me. Yeah, that feeling you got just then from reading that? Pretty much how I felt at the time, too.)

Dausa

33 Days, 33 Posts: Day 15 - I'm Getting A Few Free Days

Very sick. Missed work, will almost certainly miss it again tomorrow and maybe even Wednesday. When I am this sick, sex (even wanking) is pretty far from my mind.

Nothing else witty or insightful that I can think of. Only woke up to re-hydrate, then remembered I needed to post.

-D

Post Surgery

I realized from a comment by AAG, that I haven't updated to let people know how things are with the foot.

I had surgery on Friday (February 24th), and it was blissfully uneventful. Well, for the most part. The plan had been to put a single screw in place to hold to the parts of the broken bone together. That had to change-- there was a hairline fracture that hadn't shown up on the X-rays, that started to expand when they were drilling the channel for the screw. So I got a plate and three screws, for the price of just the one screw.

From my vantage point, it was in fact uneventful. As a chronic insomniac (check how many of my posts are as late as this one, or close to it), I find the thought of anesthesia very novel: I know that I will be unconscious in a matter of seconds, something I never have to count on when I'm actually in bed. Ahh, blissful anesthesia. The nice man put the oxygen mask over my face, and told me to breathe deeply and count the breaths. One breath. Two breaths. Oh look-- the recovery room. It almost makes me want to have surgery more often. Or date an anesthesiologist.

The foot itself is sore, still. I was a dumb-ass and didn't have my Vicodin scrip filled before surgery, so I had to do so afterwards. And since I was still numbed, I thought I was OK to walk around on it and get some groceries while they filled the prescription. That caused some unnecessary bleeding, and when they were to take the stitches out on Thursday, part of the suture area wasn't ready for that step. And only myself to blame.

I'll be on crutches another 3 weeks or so, and the franken-foot for a couple of weeks after that. But it already hurts significantly less in just one week. So I may yet run that Boston Marathon.

(I have no intention of ever running a marathon, unless I'm being chased by vicious carnivores with exceptional endurance.)

D

It's My Birthday...

(Yes, I'm back-dating this post to make it fit, because I was out with friends and forgot to write the post on the actual day.)

...and it's the blog's birthday, too.

I started doing this one year ago, on my 37th birthday. I'm 38 today, and when I look back over the archives I'm actually a little disappointed in myself. Mostly for not writing more frequently. But also because I see in stark terms how little effort I was able to put into sex, let alone actual relationships. I say "able", as if it were entirely the fault of my company for overworking me, or my (platonic) friends for hogging my time. But I have the lion-share of the responsibility, for basically laying back and letting things stagnate.

In my defense, the last 12 months have also marked a painful condition that required surgery. Some sexual function problems due in part to the health issues but also due to my letting my own general health and fitness decline. Then, of course, there was the breaking of the foot and the losing of the job (update on the break will follow this post).

But I did have some sex in the past 12 months, some of it just so-so and some of it really amazingly good. But I truly hope that the second year of Dausa is overall better. I'm about to embark on an exciting, new, scary chapter in my life as I leave California for England. When I moved from Oklahoma to Colorado, and from Colorado to California, I kept telling myself that this would be my chance to start over as a new me-- one that wasn't shy to the point of debilitation, one that wasn't still affected by the guilt and hang-ups that came from being raised in a fundamentalist evangelical Christian church. Of course, each time I moved I woke up to new surroundings, but I woke up as the same me.

So this time, I'm not fooling myself into thinking that moving to London is going to magically change me into the smooth, ultra-extroverted persona I often wish I could be. No, this time I'm going to go to my new home expecting to have to make all those changes manually. But I will go with the hopes for starting fresh, on a clean slate.

So here's to the next 12.

D

Someday I'll Get Back to Blogging About Sex

I have surgery on my foot in a few hours (can't sleep). The foot issue and the whole looking for a new job thing have just taken the libido right out from under me. I did have a great time with a local escort, and I've been prompted to write some entries on a particular theme (anonymous encounters) that already has me cherry-picking from my memories. I promise I'll be back to normal soon.

D

Oh, I Needed This

I just broke two bones in my left foot. This blows, since I live in a second-floor apartment, and drive a manual-transmission car. I'm going to be on crutches for the next six weeks, and boy is it going to get in the way. Not to mention the joy of showering with a trashbag tied over the cast for the whole time.

Maybe I can at least garner a little sympathy out of it. Grrr.

D

We're Past Anxiety, and Well Into Panic

Anxiety is the first time you can't do it a second time.
Panic is the second time you can't do it a first time.

I'm here in Colorado, and damn it all to hell but I'm not able to perform.

I guess it's time I came clean, mostly to myself: I've let my health go these past few years, and I've been getting progressively worse. And now, it's gotten to the point where I can't get it up or keep it up for someone I have a long (pleasant) history with. I came out here looking forward to several sessions of no-holds (or holes) barred fornication. And yet, both times we've tried, I had trouble getting it up, and eventually lost it.

I know I have to get myself into a more healthy place. And I know that doing so will address this problem. But right now, I just feel like a total waste of space.

D

Ass Blogging Monday: Ass Health

As of this morning, my ass has a clean bill-of-health. The doctor who performed surgery on me a few months ago said I probably wouldn't need to come back for a good 13 or 14... years.

That's a nice span of time, as far as I'm concerned. I'm not looking forward to having a colonoscopy ever again, but if I have to do it at least I have enough time to forget just how unpleasant it was. That way, it will all be fresh and new and exciting again.

So I'm cool again. Mostly. Still occassional soreness. As I said in an earlier post you really don't appreciate the little things, like not having persistent rectal pain, until you lose it. So what happened, you ask? And what were the ramifications? (Note that the part after the cut is less sexy and more TMI-like.)

I had an anal fissue. Most likely, I got it because my diet is crap, and I used to get constipated occassionally. Now, I'll be taking Metamucil daily for the rest of my life. If I get another fissure, more surgery could mean a loss of sphincter control. And while I have minimal fashion sense, I'm pretty sure I won't look very good in an adult diaper.

So this thing had been bothering me for well over a year. For the longest time, I thought it was just 'roids, because I sit on my ass for a living (I'm a software engineer, and I also do a lot of open-source projects in my spare time) and that happens. But it kept getting progressively worse, and started bleeding more and more. On at least one occassion, it seemed like I'd lost at least a good half-cup or more of blood. Best of all, every time I took a dump, it felt like I was trying to pass a jewel-encrusted howler monkey. So I finally broke down and went to an ass-doctor. (They have a nicer name for themselves, but "ass" is much easier to type.)

Ass-doctor explained everything to me, and even had me try a regimen for a few weeks that might have promoted the healing without the surgery. He rocks, and if you need an ass-doctor in Silicon Valley I'll whole-heartedly recommend him. The regimen didn't work. He didn't actually think it would, but he wanted to rule it out before resorting to surgery. Alas, surgery was my destiny.

First step was a colonoscopy. This was, as it happens, the first time I'd been under anaesthesia since having my tonsils taken out at age 4 (which, as it happens, I still remember 33 years later). As an insomniac, I found the thought of knowing I am going to be asleep within the next three seconds to be kind of novel. Until I started coming to about five minutes earlier than planned, and got to experience the last few yanks and twists of the 'scope. That's a memory that'll be sticking around for a while.

Next was an upper-gastrointestinal tract test. The less said about that, the better. Large quantities of chalky-white barium solution. I was shitting heavy cream for a solid day.

Then the surgery. As I've mentioned before, I grossly under-estimated the time it would take to recover. I was on Darvocet, and even that barely made a dent in the pain. But I'm better, now, and I'm pretty-much pain-free.

For me, the ass has long been a source of pleasure. I've personally manipulated it, I've used a variety of dildos, vibrators, other small smooth items that I could wrap in a condom, even a banana once or twice. I haven't been fucked by another man, nor have I been fucked by a woman with a strap-on. One really hot girl I knew in Long Beach managed to get three fingers in me, but that's the closest I've come (and I think this was also around the time the fissure had formed). As I wrote about the really fantastic time I had with that one escort, a good rimming drives me wild, and I'll happily scrub myself extra-clean if I think that's on the menu for the evening.

So it's safe to say that I'm happy to have my ass back. Take care of your ass! It will always be there to prop you up!

Dausa

Blogger Needs Solace, Badly

(Sorry, bad turn-of-phrase on the old Gauntlet video game's warning message.)

Three-day weekend coming up. I blew the last big weekend I had (July 4th), by pretty much sleeping 2/3 or more of it. For this one, I need to get away from the bay area. I need something quiet and most of all, cheap. And within 4-5 hours of San Jose, California.

I just need to hole up somewhere with my laptop and few other distractions. I'm not getting laid these days, might as well get some writing done...

D

Not Too Drunk...

...but really, too lazy to fuck?

When it comes down to this, humanity is in real trouble. If you lack the energy to have sex, you have more problems than this device is going to solve.

D

I Am the Last American Male (Not Into Anal)

OK, that's a slight exaggeration, in that I have nothing against it, really. It's just not my first choice, and not even my third or fourth. If the person I'm with wants to have anal sex, I'll probably go along with it. Even if she wants me to be on the receiving end (I've taken a good pegging in the past more than once).

But for the love of all that is kinky, what is it with the preoccupation in porn these days with all things anal? I went to rent a porn DVD a few nights ago. Haven't had any new porn in quite a while. It took forever to pick one out. Part of the reason for that was the local video store had re-done the way they handle adult DVDs. (They used to provide opaque black bags for you to put them in before bringing them to the counter, so that casual shoppers in the family part of the store didn't have to see the cover of Cock Gobblers 18. I guess not enough people followed this rule, so they now have a plain blue box beside the real box. So once you pick a flick, you still have to see if you can find the blue box.) Almost every disc I wanted was apparently checked-out. But part of the reason was that there just wasn't that many different choices. Oh, there were hundreds of different discs, just not that much choice.

(At this point, I start getting explicit. I also review the one disc I finally settled on.)

It is an exaggeration to say that all the discs were anal-themed. Not much of one, but an exaggeration all the same. But even those that weren't outright titled as such, I could be sure would be full of the bangin' of the ass. What is the overwhelming fascination with this? In this day and age, I find it hard to think that anal sex is really that much of a remaining taboo. Hell, kids in high school are using it as birth-control, blissfully unaware of the other health risks it brings with it.

Oh, and speaking of health risks, who decided that "ATM" (Ass-to-Mouth) was going to be the new "in" thing? Is this some sort of degradation/humiliation fantasy thing? Maybe it's a way of saying, "I own this person-- she'll do anything I want her to!" But in an industry that is so keenly-aware of the risks of disease, can that many people really be unaware of how dangerous this is?

I'm not talking about scenes blocked or cut to look like the guy is taking his dick right from her ass and sticking it in her mouth. I'm talking about scenes that have no cuts in them, where it is clearly happening. And not just that-- alternating the cock between the ass and the vagina repeatedly, too. Are these girls that gullible, that they weren't worried about the infections this could lead to?

This isn't just a random screed, here. I did in fact come home with a DVD, one called "Women of Color #9". It featured a woman on the cover called "Sativa Rose", and from the back it looked like she would be fun to watch. And the other women looked promising, too.

Before I get too tangential, let me point out the good:

• The women were all very real-looking. No enhancements. Not a single fake boob to be found.
• The first scene was a threesome with two women. It started out with just the two of them, and that part was amazing. They kissed passionately and deeply, not the tip-of-the-tongue wagging that you usually see. When they were going down on each other, they were going down, with enthusiasm. When the man joined in, they double-teamed sucking him, including a lot of sloppy kissing around the head and shaft of his cock. The scene was just plain hot.
• The selection of women was good-- a nice mix of Latinas and blacks. Before viewing, I was under the impression Sativa Rose was probably Indian (with a name like Sativa), but she's Mexican. So rather than getting three ethnicities, I got the two (though the last girl claimed to be half-Japanese, half-Panamanian, so not sure where to categorize her). All of them were cute, and in keeping with the "real" look, all of them were people I felt like I had a reasonable chance of chatting up in a bar, should I happen across any of them.
• The enthusiasm behind the sex was very convincing. Everyone seemed to be genuinely enjoying themselves, especially the two women in the first scene.
  

But as good as all of that was, every scene had some degree of ATM in it. The worst had to be the last scene, with an actress called Keanni Lei. She was doing a 3-way with two men. At one point, when one guy pulled out of her ass and moved up so she could suck him, she said, "I love the taste of my ass." You know, maybe you truly do... but I sure wouldn't want to kiss you afterwards. And she was one of the cutest of the bunch. Certainly the most wholesome-looking. You can never guess, these days!

And to ice the cake, all the sex was bareback. This isn't an old video from the 80's, recently re-mastered onto DVD. This is so new that most of the adult-oriented online rental shops don't even have it in their catalogs, yet. PEOPLE! No matter how recent your HIV test is, unsafe sex in porn just is not cool. As hot as the action was, I couldn't detach myself from this last point. I cannot in good conscience recommend this video to anyone. I don't know if this is usual practice for the production house, Anabolic, or not. But I don't feel very inclined to check out more of their product to see.

Dausa