Diary of An Unrepentant Sex Addict

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

More Soloing For CBW

All the paperwork was taken care of today, and I am now completely and officially unemployed. So I won't be visiting any pros anytime soon (well, maybe a little nibble off the severance check wouldn't hurt). As such, looks like it's me and my left hand for now. So for this Wednesday, here's what I just finished doing...

Even though I see the lay-off as a good thing for me, it still has me tense. The best way to relax my tension is a good orgasm. And not just a quicky-jerk into the bathroom sink, either. So I settled myself in to allow myself to completely enjoy it.

Lately, I've been getting rid of a lot of my porn. It's mostly old, and boring to me anymore. Same goes for the erotica I have, even the old Penthouse-letters-style magazines. So I figured I would see what I could do with just my hands and my imagination, without any priming. To do this, I laid myself on my bed all stretched out and bare. I started by just running my hands over my skin, not even focusing on my genitals just yet. I'm moderately-hairy, so I can elicit a fair amount of sensation just from doing this. This isn't meant to produce the hard-on, it's just to just warming up my sensory system, get it to start paying attention.

I started to think about some of the really hot women I (used to) work with. When I am looking at a woman as a potential sexual encounter, I think about two things: what will her pussy look like as I'm about to eat it, and how will she look while sucking me off.

(There's a young-ish East Indian woman I would have loved to chat up, but she stayed tightly clustered with other Indian women all the time-- lunch, breaks, etc. She had beautiful, playful eyes. I could easily imaging looking into them as she looked up at me from between my legs. And I loved to think about how her face would reflect what my tongue was doing to her.)

Hard-on is almost 100% now. I start to actually stroke my thighs and around the base, but not the cock itself yet.

(There's J, the cute little Asian who sits/sat right next to me. The one who could drive me crazy with just plain white cotton panties, who alas is married. I have a harder time picture her going down on me, but oh can I imaging what her body would feel like in my hands while I ate her out. Barely 5'2", I could probably hold her up to my face, hoist her in my arms while licking away.)

Now I'm totally hard. Cat can't scratch it. I'm placing my hands at the base gently, and just massaging the skin there, ticking my sac with my fingertips. I lightly start to trace my fingers up the center of the underside, along the way to the head. Light, tickling caresses.

(ML has a beautiful smile, and an amazing chest. When I think about her, I fantasize that I'm laying on my back and she's sitting on my face. I want to be able to reach up and play with those fantastic breasts. Something about her, something in the way she carries herself and her sense of self-assuredness, tells me she would give killer head.)

I don't usually use lube, and I'm not using it tonight. But I do sometimes wet my fingers with saliva, and let them play along the underside of the glans, to really whip up my nerve-endings. If I'm not careful, I could set myself off too quickly this way. God, sometimes I wish I could still bend over in half and lick myself. That's what I try to simulate with my fingers-- those tentative first few times when I could only just reach the head of my cock with my tongue. I was young-enough then that even such a tentative tongue-to-cock caress could send me over the edge. But I can't do it these days. I can take the little drops of pre-come that work their way out of the tip, take them on my fingertip and rub it on my lips, on my tongue.

(EC is the ultimate, though. Beautiful red hair, gorgeous blue eyes. A few discreet tattoos in discreet places. And a very playful, flirty nature. It is so easy to picture her nibbling and nuzzling the base, the side of my shaft, before actually taking me as deeply as she can. She has porcelain skin, and I have a ruddier complexion courtesy of my mom's side of the family. I can picture her skin against mine. I wonder if she's as red below as she is above. And I somehow know she's a screamer. I can only imagine how hard she would clamp her legs around my ears when she came.)

Sometimes, when I get really close, and I'm really turned on, I have a really strong desire to taste myself again, like I used to when I could blow myself. I imagine myself twisting around into a yoga-like position so I can aim it into my mouth. Or just letting it go all over my stomach and chest, then running my fingers through it and licking them off. It's a function of my arousal level, though, because the feeling passes as soon as I'm actually climaxing.

This time, I wanted it pretty badly again. But with my foot being broken, I couldn't go the yoga route. And like I said, once I start actually coming the desire isn't as strong. After spending about 10 minutes just bringing myself to the edge and backing off, I finally let myself finish. It mingle with the hair on my chest and tummy, and I lost the urge to take a taste. But it felt so good when the moment came. I laid here another 10 minutes or so, until I had to do something about the mess on my chest.

Mmmm... a day without an orgasm is a day lost, that you can never get back again...


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