In Praise of Painted Ladies

Oh Lydia, oh Lydia, say, have you met Lydia?
Lydia The Tattooed Lady.
She has eyes that folks adore so,
and a torso even more so.

I have a few fetishes, indeed. PVC and latex clothing, the "gothic" look, etc. But the one that has always been with me, that entrances me the most, is the tattooed woman. Oh, how quickly my heart flutters and my senses leave me, when I catch sight of a well-done piece of ink on soft, feminine skin.

I can't honestly say what it is about bodyart that grabs me so much. I'm not even sure when it started. I grew up in a pretty quiet, conservative environment. I never really saw women with tattoos until I got to college, and even then only very rarely. It wasn't a matter of taboo; there was no command from on high from my parents to avoid these women. Plus, Oklahoma doesn't allow tattoo parlors to operate within the state, so those who want them have to go to Texas, Kansas, etc., to get them. Or move into the state with them, which is why I started seeing them when I was in college. But whatever the psychological trigger was, it's there. Walking down the street, all I have to see is a peek of ink under a sleeve, peeping up from a collar, or briefly flashed from the small of the back when a woman leans forward.

It can't be just any ink, though. I do have standards after all. Badly-done, or badly-designed tattoos can turn me off faster than chain-smoking or poor hygiene. Probably the worst tattoo offense (in my opinion) is having someones's name tattooed across the upper side of a breast. Not only are you placing detailed stenciling on flesh that nature has promised you will eventually sag and stretch, you're betting that the person who's name you've just etched into your self will still be with you when it sags. In fact, putting someone's name on your skin is a risky move in general. There are certainly cases where you know that other person's heart so well, that you can both be certain you'll always be together. But take my word for it-- the people I see most often with this form of artwork, well, I don't think they've taken the time to be that certain. But there are plenty of other examples of bad bodyart, don't think that I'm only turned-off by that one type. For my part, though, I'd rather focus on the truly well-done work.

Well done ink, well, that can forgive a lot of other shortcomings. Some of the celebrities I lust after the strongest have significant tattoo work. Masuimi Max (pictured), has some of the best work I've seen. Angelina Jolie's are much more subdued, but well done. And you almost can't watch porn now without all the actresses having some amount of ink. In the late '80s and early '90s, tattoos were still rare-- actresses just didn't have them. One notable exception was Viper, noted for a large serpent tattoo running from her belly down past her pubic area. I've seen some recent pictures of Janine Lindemuller who sports a fair amount of ink these days. And the last 3-4 porn titles I've rented have featured starlets all tattooed to the one. The common denominator seems to be the small of the back. Not sure why that is, but if they have just one tattoo, that's where it is. Even Charisma Carpenter, of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel fame, has a design there.

There have been a few sex workers I've been with, who were tattooed. One in particular was an asian woman working in a few different massage parlors, who went by the name "Jenny". She had intertwining roses in a pattern around her waist, just above her hips. I saw her on several occassions, at at least two different MP locations. I can still remember admiring the beauty of the roses as I held her hips and drilled away. The person I saw in Portland, too, and some others here in the bay area who's art wasn't as attractive. I knew a stripper in Denver who had flowery patterns done around the aureole of her nipples. They looked great, but I wince to think of what it must have felt like having it done.

Depending on how you look at it, the best or worst cases are those people I know and interact with. Knowing that someone I already find attractive also has one or more tattoos, will make me even more tongue-tied and jittery when trying to chat her up. To make matters worse, I come off like a poser: I don't have any ink. I have an idea of what I want, and I plan on having it done at some point, when I finalize the design. But at the moment, I would come off as some dweeb who's only interested in the woman for her "exotic nature". And like anything else that has certain sub-cultural meaning attached to it, people with tattoos tend to prefer other people with tattoos. There may well be a wonderfully-tattooed woman out there who would be interested in me, but I haven't yet met her. Plus, for some reason, almost every woman I've known personally who has tattoos is also a smoker. Not sure of the linkage, but there it is.

Maybe, some day, when I have a little ink to offer in exchange, I'll fulfill my fantasy of having a tattooed partner. Until then, I can settle for a Google search for "tattooed women".

Dausa