In Which I Learn I Was a Selfish Lout

Since the end of the "33 Days" experiment, I haven't really been getting out much, let along getting much. Part of it was due to my depression kicking in, part of it just from lack of time (and energy) to pursue things. But I did see the TV a couple more times. This was the person that I first saw back when I did my so-called "Craigslist Experiment". In fact, she had placed an ad I answered, she wasn't someone answering the ad I had placed. She also was amazing to fool around with, so after I got past the 33 days, and after I started getting my shit together again, I saw her a couple of times.

Then, a few weeks ago, she stopped replying or calling me.

Mind you, it's not as though she always jumped every time I replied to her. Some nights, I imagine someone else got there first. But for several ads in a row, I heard nothing. Then, earlier this week, she replied.

In the reply (which I didn't save, so I can quote verbatim), she said she was a little hurt by the fact that the last time or two I'd been over, I basically got my rocks off and split, with barely even any chit-chat. And she was right-- I had done exactly that. Of course, I hadn't really thought about it until she said something, and since then I've been kicking myself for it. I don't want to be that kind of person, so it sucks to learn that I was doing so despite my best efforts. Not only that, but it cost me an otherwise very fun, very accommodating play-partner.

Now, in my defense, her ads generally had the gist of, "Come use me as a cock-slut, this is what I like." I'm not playing blame-the-victim, here. The person very much likes the submissive role, and emphasizes this in her ads. In fact, she has on up right now:

Last night was beyond dead. Hopefully tonight I will encounter all kinds of dick in desperate need of my special oral attention. I serve as a hot Latina crossdresser ( very passable ) and always hot for a good piece of dick! Requirements for you this evening are simply this, you must be available to travel to XXXXXXXXX ( don't ask me to come to you! ), you must be clean in decent shape and know how to serve that tool between your legs ( size is not an issue but how you use it )and last you must foward a photo with a brief description of yourself and your sexual needs for this evening.

And that ad is actually quite tame compared to most of them. It was all very confusing for someone who doesn't pick up on social cues very well. The ads seemed to stress one thing, and yet she complained about something else. But in the end, it comes down to me not being very considerate, and that sucks. I don't know if I'll see her again or not. But if I don't, it's my loss more than hers.

Dausa

Men Are Sluts: My Own Craigslist "Experiment"

So, as I alluded to in a previous post, I'm really in awe of how slutty men are, in general. Now, don't go sending me condescending e-mails that mostly say "DUH!". I didn't say I was surprised, just in awe. Likewise, I understand that politicians on the whole are corrupt and money-driven; I'm still entitled to be in awe of the sheer hubris of people like Tom Delay.

But back to my point: the sluttiness of the male. And not just your garden-variety male, but gay and bi men in particular. See, I learned a valuable lesson a long time ago: if I'm really jonesing for a blowjob, there are plenty of gay/bi men (possibly closeted) who are more than happy to oblige.

Actually, I learned two lessons. The above, and just as importantly, that even though I am somewhat heavy-set and fairly hairy, that's not the detriment with men that it often is with women. Indeed, it can be a bonus! There's a whole sub-culture within gaydom devoted to my body-type: the bear. And there are plenty of self-identified "bear chasers" out there. So, while I'm still trying to lose weight for simple health and self-image reasons, it's not getting in the way in the meantime.

Thursday, I placed an ad on the m4m part of the casual encounters section of Craigslist in the south bay area. It was simple, and to the point: tall bear wants a no-strings-attached blowjob. Honest description of my body, and vague reference to what area I lived in.

I had responses literally within minutes of the ad being posted.

That day, I had three encounters, though to be fair the third was from an ad that I had answered, to go fool around with a tranny (more on that in a later musing). I referred briefly to the two ad-related encounters in an earlier message-- one was mind-blowing, the other disappointing. The latter was disappointing because I hadn't bothered to get a picture of the person first, and he turned out to be a much older man. Having just come my brains out a few hours earlier, it was going to be a feat to perform again so soon (I'm not as young as I used to be, and letting my health go has had other undesired effects). Unfortunately, I really couldn't. Started out OK, but it just wasn't there (even when I broke my own rules and tried to picture straight porn, or even the earlier experience, in my head).

But the first guy? Woo hoo. Younger, clean-cut, and a pierced tongue. I'm such a sucker for piercings. And boy could he use it. He worked me over from tip to taint for a good 20 minutes or more. If we didn't both have places we had to get to, we might still be at it still. I've never been with someone so adept at sensing when I was about to pop and backing off before I passed the point of no return. I can't even describe the sensations in most of the cases, but it may actually be the single best BJ I've ever had. And I've had a lot, let me tell ya. I might go see this one again, if he's amenable.

Mind you, replies continued to come in. I was going to see one person on Friday, someone who actually was hoping for more out of the encounter-- cuddling, etc. I'm not necessarily opposed to that, but it wasn't what I was looking for at the moment, so he got filed away for later. Several got deleted outright; I know it's happened to me plenty of times when I've answered ads, so I don't feel any guilt over it. I saw another one on Saturday. Also older, also less attractive, but almost as good as the guy on Thursday so what he lacked in eye-appeal he made up for with sleight-of-tongue.

Counting him, the one that fizzled, and the TV, that's four encounters in three days. So understand that when I call men sluts, I'm well aware that I'm just as guilty. I guess what shocks me is that the the sluttiness is so highly concentrated, so tightly focused. The gay bathhouse scene was a notable part of the early rapid spread of HIV in the 80's. The clubs I've gone to over the years have had strict latex rules, but only because of the damage already done; back then condoms were considered only for preventing pregnancy and thus were hardly necessary between two men. What I'm saying is, this goes back decades. I wonder sometimes if even Oscar Wilde wouldn't be a more than a little shocked at what goes on these days in the world of gay men.

Here's the rub: not all of the men cruising these ads would identify as gay or bi, even in private, even in the confidence of a therapist's office. They just don't see themselves as such. And the men who are, they know and understand this, too. Watch for ads calling for "str8" (straight) dick to suck. For some of the suck-ers, the straight-ness of the suck-ee is just as thrilling a novelty as the thought of having a guy on his dick instead of a girl is for the suck-ee. And all because we men are basically sluts, and when it comes to coming, we'll do just about anything to do so (especially if we're pretty sure we won't get caught).

You just don't hear about things like this in the world of women, regardless of orientation. I mean, I've had female friends who went through self-identified "slutty phases". One friend occasionally posts to CL casual encounters in her geographical area (and don't even bother asking me because I'm not telling). Posts looking for men, and always gets upward of 200 replies. And she's a big girl, honest and upfront about it in her post. Gives her height and her weight, so that they can't claim to be surprised when/if they meet her. Still rakes in the replies. Some of the men are bonafide "chubby chasers", but most are just so intent on fucking that they'll hook up with someone they wouldn't otherwise acknowledge on the street. But she's the exception; I'd wager that 98% or more of traffic on the "w4m" part of casual encounters these days is either commercial spam or photo-phishing (scammers collecting photos that they can then use to create false accounts and/or post false ads elsewhere, where a photo would be needed).

And if there is even 2% that's legit, in my area, either I haven't responded to them or I wasn't to their liking. Because I'm just as bad as the rest, and frequently answer women's ads in the hope of one day finding that rare gem, a real woman who'll fuck me to the point of oblivion then dress and leave. No questions asked.

(Of course, it helps that I figure any photos of me are already in the hands of all the phishers, so I have little to lose.)

Dausa

Men Are Sluts: Prologue

Before I get to the longer post tomorrow or over the weekend, let me reflect and ruminate on us men.

God, we're sluts.

I mean, it's no secret that if you're a woman, and you want to get laid right now, hop on over to Craigslist and post an ad. You'll have literally hundreds of responses in an hour, usually less. Even if you don't consider yourself attractive, there are men who will find your body-type attractive. More to the point, there are men who will simply find the fact that you are in possession of a vagina attractive.

If you're a man and straight, however, it's a different story. Lotsa luck, write and let us know when you find work.

But, if you're gay, or bi, or just unconcerned when it comes to getting sucked off, you have another option. Post in the men-for-men forum. You won't get hundreds, but you'll get replies. Why? Why else? Men are total sluts when it comes to this. This is obvious not just from the replies, but from the number of straight men who do actually go this route, and consider themselves straight all the same. They know the score.

As for me? I do identify is at least somewhat bi. I'm not a 3 on the Kinsey Scale by any stretch. More like fluctuating between φ and e on the scale, as my mood moves me. And when I turn down that road for gratification, I'm not pretending that it's a woman with a remarkably flat chest. I don't "prime" myself with straight porn and then keep my eyes squeezed shut. But I do sometimes think of Margaret Cho, when she said (something to the effect of), "I used to think I was bisexual, but then I realized I'm just slutty." I have a more-than-passing interest in this, and I think in 2007 I'll be writing a little more about that.

But my point is, if you want your dick sucked and fast and don't care if it's a guy doing the sucking, craigslist is your friend. And that is how I happened to be blown not once but twice today. One only so-so and one that was fucking amazing. But the details of that are for my upcoming post...

-D

Gay-Bi-Dar Before You Yourself Know

A short note, before I get to a longer post later on (probably tomorrow or over the weekend). When I was in college, I was in the marching band. In high school, being in band was a cause for scorn. But in college, the band was cool. And since it was cool, it was clique-ish, and I didn't fit in.

Like most my age, in a bass-ackwards place like Oklahoma, I associated accusations of homosexuality with insults and disdain. So, when I found myself regarding certain key members of the band (all male, all high in the pyramid of power) as most likely gay, I chided myself for falling into such a clichéd cycle. It's not like I would have known, anyway, straight and inexperienced as I was at the time.

Years later, I had a brief relationship with someone who had been in the band a few years before myself (she was six years older than I, and she may be the subject of an upcoming post). She knew all of these people when they themselves were freshmen first coming in. Now, I didn't ask her about their orientation... it wouldn't have come up, except that she had married someone she started dating in band, and they'd divorced fairly recently when he came out of the closet. Through him, she learned that there had been a sizable "gay underground" within the band (though, why gays would feel the need to be underground in this group puzzled me, as even though we may have been in Oklahoma this ensemble was fierce in its support of the out gay/lesbian/bi members). And wouldn't you know it, almost everyone I'd mentally labeled as gay was in fact.

Did I actually exhibit gaydar that many years before I'd start exploring my bi side?

-D

Against All Odds...

...Craigslist might be instrumental in my getting out for New Year's Eve, and possibly even getting some, as well. Having just moved the rest of my shit from Denver back here to the bay area, I had almost written NYE off.

If it works out, I promise details!

Edit: Nope. Shoulda' known better than to get my hopes up!