Diary of An Unrepentant Sex Addict

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Memory Lane: First Threesome

(For lack of any current goings-on, I'm reaching into the memory-vault for this one. Not that I don't like recalling the high-points of past sex-capades, but that is a limited resource. If I don't add some new memories to the vault eventually, the well will run dry.)

My first threesome involved Nine Inch Nails, suggestive dancing, and a water-bed. It did not, however, involve penetration.

I don't remember exactly when it was. I do know that it was after the release of Nine Inch Nails' Closer, and it was around the time that NIN toured for the album with Marilyn Manson and the Jim Rose Circus. The album came out in 1994, so it was probably that year. From what I remember of the weather, it was either late fall of '94 or late winter of '95. Come to think of it, it was after a trip I'd made to New Orleans, so I'm going to go with the '95 estimate.

I was involved with PC, someone I've mentioned here before (since we were together for so long). By this point, I knew she was bisexual. Mind you, this wasn't something she told me until we'd known each other quite a while, and had been intimate for some time, as well. I don't know why she took so long to tell me. It could be that she was tired of guys assuming that she'd hook them up with a 3-way when they learned. Or maybe she didn't think I could handle it. I was awfully naive when she and I met, much more so than I ever realized at the time. Whatever the reason, once I found out I never tried to get her to set us up, which may be why she finally did so on her own. Well, sort of on her own.

There was this stunning Amazon of a woman that we knew, JR. 5'11", lovely curvy proportions, dark red hair. Bisexual and polyamorous, and very open about both. At some point a few months earlier, I had learned two interesting things at separate times: JR thought PC was hot, and PC felt the same about JR. On the minus side, JR lived in Minnesota. On the plus side, however, she worked as a flight attendant for a major airline and tended to hit Denver 3-5 times a year. Besides a shared attraction, they had another interest in common: Nine Inch Nails. Who were going to be in Denver at some upcoming date, at a time that coincided with one person's birthday (JR's, I think). So I got tickets for us all, and JR used her latitude as an airline employee to come visit and go to the concert.

The night of the concert, I was a nervous wreck. Was this really going to happen? Would I really be having a threesome? Or would I be left out, again? See, some months earlier, PC had tried to set something up around my birthday. A woman she met who was pretty openly-sexual and who seemed to like PC, invited us out for drinks. A fourth person came along, but that didn't bother me. But the evening went in a direction that is so far beyond wrong, I can't even go into it here. Besides, this story is about the evening that went right. So here I was, nervous after a previous disaster, but what did I have to complain about? I was at a concert of Marilyn Manson and NIN. Manson (who I wasn't really into) had just finished, and the Jim Rose Circus was on stage. Amazing show. But we really wanted to see NIN. So as much as we liked Jim Rose, we were happy when he finished.

The NIN show was fantastic. I've seen them on other occasions, but this one was the best. Maybe because of other events, I've come to romanticize it, but I really do think they were in top form. And the three of us, well... we went from just cheering to dancing in place in our seats, to dancing close and intimate during "Something I Can Never Have". And believe it or not, I was so distracted by these two women, that the irony of the title as applied to my current situation was completely lost on me!

That song, that dancing, changed the whole dynamic of the evening. Up to that point, I think all three of us were entertaining "what if?" thoughts. After that point, "if" transformed to "when". Touching that had been just light and fleeting became more deliberate, and lingering. As much as we loved the concert, we all seemed ready for the last encore to end. Of course, this was a huge concert at an arena, so it took for-FUCKING-ever to get out of the parking lot and back home. By this time, it was no longer such a sure thing... we were more tired than we'd been, and less wired. The time spent getting out of the lot and home had let some of the intensity wane. But under it all, we all three still wanted this. That's one of the best parts about looking back at this: I can see with certainty that unless they had wanted it as badly as I did, there were dozen of excuses and chances to get out that could have been used.

Instead, we all climbed into my king-sized water-bed, and spent some time building the intensity back up. At first, we kind of all looked to one another a little sheepishly. I knew even then that neither of them were strangers to sex where N > 2, but it seemed right to do, to take some time to push out the frustration of the traffic, the residual noise of the concert. I don't know how long we waited, but eventually the waiting turned back into mutual caressing. And the caressing turned into kissing. I had never seen two women kiss before this. Oh, I'd seen it in porn, and some short kisses in mainstream films. Heck, I'd been to the art-house theater and seen a few lesbian-themes movies, even. But this was real, it was right in front of me. And the real thing is just so much better than film can ever be! So it's a cliché, so it's typically-male of me to say: two women who are truly into each other, kissing passionately, is totally fucking hot.

I don't know how long we'd been at this point. It might have been two hours, it might have been fifteen minutes. But JR looked in PC's eyes and said to her, "I want to taste you". A younger me would probably have shot his wad at that moment. Instead, I scooted towards the edge of the bed to allow them room, so they wouldn't feel crowded by me. And I got to watch.

Did you know that women don't really make love like the way it's portrayed in mainstream porn? Yeah, not exactly a revelation. And I knew that at the time, but I didn't know it, if you understand my meaning. But I started to understand it. Watching JR as she worked her way so slowly from kissing PC on the mouth, to kissing her throat, her breasts, her nipples, her belly... until finally she buried her face between her legs. I was so rapt by this, I didn't even stroke myself. I just watched, hoping that I'd be able to recall this until well into old age. It was just so beautiful. It was the first time I'd been able to watch two people like that at all, hetero or not.

After JR had worker her magic, I slid in and also went down on PC. I don't even think I felt threatened or anything, I wasn't doing it in an effort to prove to her that I could still get her off. It just seemed right... she was still laying there, glowing from the first orgasm, so I wanted her to have another. Then the two switched places, and PC started in on JR. This was definitely a side of my SO I hadn't seen before! I mean, I knew first-hand how talented her mouth was, but this was different. The look in her eyes as she locked them with JR, it was completely unlike the looks she gave me. Oh, and I did mention that it was already quite clear that JR was indeed a natural red-head, right? PC was in a sort of goth phase at the time, and the contrast of her jet-black hair on JR's thighs, spilling over to the edges of her auburn-red bush, well, I did suddenly remember that I was capable of stroking myself. When she came, JR came almost completely off the bed, her back arching and her head tilted backwards until from her vantage point the headboard seemed directly above her. When she calmed down, it was a given that I would go in, much as I had previously.

This was the strangest-feeling part of it, for me. I hadn't been with anyone else since PC and I started dating. Oh, we considered ourselves in an open relationship, but my job was so demanding of my time that I only had time to spend with her. She would occasionally see someone else, just to get out and have some fun. But I wasn't jealous-- I wanted her to be able to have her own me-time, much as my hobby and hobby-club meetings were for me. But here I was, about to put mouth to clit on what was really only my third vulva (recall that I was a latecomer to the whole cunnilingus thing), and my partner was settling in to watch me with (it looked like) every bit as much interest and fascination as I'd had while watching her. I was more nervous, this time. When I had just done this with my partner, I knew what she liked, what turned her on. But with JR, it was a whole new time of discovery. Every lick, every flick of the tip of my tongue, I was paying attention anew, hoping for signs that would tell me if this was adding to or distracting from the experience for her. I must have done something right, because I got the same reaction PC had. And it felt so good to have brought that out in her.

As fate would have it, we ended it there. I wish I could say that PC leaned in and shared in the licking, but that's another thing that tends to be only in the realm of porn; there just wasn't really room for both of us at once. I wish I could say that next it was my turn, and that they dueled tongues like swords around my throbbing cock. But the reality was, by this time it was pretty close to 4AM. The next morning, I would have to get to work, PC would have to get her son to school, and afterwards JR back to the airport. So instead, we cuddled up together and slept.

And I don't regret that at all. It was an almost-perfect night, and I'd rather have stopped it when we did than push ourselves and risk spoiling it. Besides, it was pretty clear that this wouldn't be a one-time thing, and I'm nothing if not patient... but I'll leave that for another post.

-Dausa

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Friday, October 19, 2007

Two Recent Links that Piss Me Off

Life is still nuts. I've been interviewing with Large Well-Established Internet Portal on multiple occasions (with a variety of groups) over the last few weeks. Looks like I'll be leaving Current Job over the next few weeks. Plus, I'm getting ready for another trip to London in early November.

For now, here are two things that are making my head hurt:

Bed, now. Other posts later.

-D

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Tuesday, October 16, 2007

The (Unsolicited) Book Review


As has been noted on some of the finer sex blogs out there, there have been some less-than-honorable publicity moves on the part of the U.S. release of The Girl's book. Now, this blog is not prominent-enough to have been tempted with the "opportunity" to shill an edited, probably watered-down version of the book in question. Maybe, before I practically fell off the face of the earth for the better part of 2006, I might have had enough traffic to warrant an invite. But I didn't get one. Which is OK, because if you checked either of those first two links, you'll see that I'm not inclined to go along with what they were planning, anyway.

Instead, I'm going to write my own review. The cover-image to the right links to the UK Amazon store (it's actually the link that Abby herself uses on her site, so if there is any Amazon Associates code or similar, it will be her that benefits from it, not me... to use my code would link this blog to my "real life" too closely anyway). I recommend that if you are interested in the book (and hopefully you will be by the time I'm finished), that you'll buy it from the UK even if you're in the US, as I am.

I bought the book on a whim, earlier this year. I mean, I planned all along to get the book, of course, but I hadn't gotten around to it (not even on my trip to London last November). On a (separate) whim, I was perusing the Amazon.co.uk site looking for a rare, out-of-print classical CD. If, by the way, you like either of Mussorgsky's Pictures at an Exhibition or Respighi's Pines of Rome, I cannot recommend this recording highly-enough. I lost my original in a car break-in years ago, and had been searching for a replacement every since. I couldn't be satisfied with any other interpretation. But I digress. At long last, I had found it. And I was so happy, I decided to add another item or two, as long as I was shopping. But what? Then I remembered Abby expressing some disdain as what she was hearing about the plans for the US market release of her book. Why not get it in the original Queen's English edition? Perfect!

So I get the book. Now first off, let me say that I've been reading her blog since about April of 2005. It was one of the first few sex-blogs that I came across from checking out other blogger's link-rolls. I was speechless as the wry wit and general sense of, well, fun that she seemed to be putting into each blog post. So I was already a big fan. When I heard that there was going to be a book, I knew I'd eventually get it and read it. Just a matter of "when", not "if". So how did the book stack up to the blog experience?

Quite well, if I may say so.

These are two very different media. It sounds obvious when I say it, but it's surprising how many people don't get this simple fact. Violet Blue gets it. Xeni Jardin gets it. Lots of people do, but they're sadly in the minority. So to do this thing, you have to understand that difference and make the material that you wrote for one form of expression work in the other. She does this, and in my feel for reading the book, she does it well. It turns the blog content back into the diary-form that blogs grew out of. But she has created content over the course of her blog that doesn't quite fit into this model, yet is top-notch content and should be included. How to do this? A little re-arranging, a little re-organizing, and you have excellent filler pages that are not only as good as the rest of the pages, they do a handy job of breaking up the logical sections of the narrative.

Know this before you buy it: if you're looking for a book to jerk off to, you might want to stick with Penthouse Letters. There are some hot pages in this book, and I was plenty hard on several occasions. But this is a more emotional than salacious book. While there are plenty of detailed descriptions, many of those descriptions are of how she's feeling about the latest emotional let-down, the latest punishment for letting her guard down. I winced in places, seeing the accident about to happen but unable to jump into the page and warn her. I envied her (or more accurately, her partner) when the stars aligned and the sex was had. And when I got to the last page, I wanted very badly to see "To be continued".

So in case it isn't clear, I recommend this book whole-heartedly and without reservations. More to the point, without any "coaching" from the sleazy US publicist. I don't know if she plans on more books in this vein. The fall-out over her identity being spread by London tabloids did quite a number on her personal life, and pretty much ended her professional life. But if she has anything else in the works, blog, memoir or fiction, I think I'll pre-order it this time around.

From Amazon UK, of course. It really is a global economy, after all.

-Dausa

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Monday, October 15, 2007

Lighter-Note Links

To offset the crankiness in the previous post, here are some recent links I've been enjoying and sharing with others:
  • Slow Jerk: I've watched this over and over, and still laugh my ass off at it. Might just be a guy thing, though. Video, might be marginally NSFW.
  • Tales of MU: An ongoing piece of fantasy fiction. Fairly typical reverse-world: science is the "great leap of faith", which magic and magical beings are common place. The writer weaves these elements in seamlessly, and very creatively (down to an argument about whether the magic spell that makes the light inside a fridge actually goes off or not when you close the door). There's very little explicit erotica in it, but the subtle sexuality that is present is hawt. It's mostly lesbian in nature, and very heavily leaning towards BDSM. Lot's of control, humiliation, spanking, etc. Some of the stuff I don't usually find that hot in other erotica, but this writer is, well, let's just say gifted.
Thought I had more, but I can't find the other's in my history or bookmarks...

-D

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Sunday, October 14, 2007

N Things I Hate About Porn

Borrowing a phrase from my college math days, "For some values of N". After all, I might find new gripes in the future and want to update this list...

I recently picked up some on-the-cheap porn DVDs from a local bookstore. I had dumped a lot of my porn last year when I thought I was moving to the UK (mostly VHS, which wouldn't have been any use over there, and it was getting old anyway), and I haven't had a lot of luck finding useful porn on the 'net. I mean, let's be honest: SEO-gone-horribly-wrong has made searching specifically for porn online an exercise in abject frustration.

So I've bought a few DVDs here and there over the last few months. And thrown almost half of them away after viewing (some I didn't even bother to finish). I can't even claim that the ones I've kept are particularly great, but they didn't suck as badly and/or they had one or more scenes that made them worth keeping.

So here, in no particular order, are N things I hate about porn. I reserve the right to add to this list in the future, should porn continue to suck at its current rate.
  1. Predictability. For crying out loud, not every scene has to follow the same pattern. And when I say "same", I mean I can write it out as a symbolic expression, much as we computer-types do to specify languages. First, one of the two performs oral on the other. Then they switch places. Then it's vaginal sex, maybe in two or more positions. This is followed by anal, occasionally in more than one position. Lastly, the guy spews onto the woman's face. Technically-speaking, there are three variables I see in this equation: Who goes down on whom first, who starts out on top for the vaginal, and whether the anal is doggy-style or missionary. Mix it up some, guys. To be fair, this is in some part exacerbated by my next point.
  2. Professionalism. It seems like everyone with a video camera and enough seed-money to sign a DVD-duplication contract is creating their own amateur porn series. That isn't bad in and of itself, but let's be honest: the majority of the people in these scenes wouldn't be third- or even fourth-string talent at a place like Vivid Video. And that's just the women. The men? With the exception of perhaps Peter North or Randy West's series, the men doing these videos look a lot like they might not be getting much action were it not for the camera and the money that's being paid to the actresses on a per-scene basis. I'll be fair here: I don't know the details of how the business works, but I don't think people do these scenes for the "life experience". No one's ever expected to be nominated for an Oscar for their work in DP-gangbang scene, but compared to the amateurs cropping up left and right, Tera Patrick may as well be Meryl Streep. As far as bodies go, just to clarify: I don't just mean non-Barbie body-types. I'm actually all for that... overdone breast jobs are just as off-putting. I mean people with visible rashes. Sagging breasts and loose skin usually associated with heavy meth use. And since most of these scenes represent the only time the director/actor is going to fuck the woman, they're more likely to try and do everything within that one scene (the source of most of my frustration laid out in the previous point).
  3. Safety. I sat through a compilation DVD (well, fast-forwarded through most of it) that I bought recently. According to the 2257 disclaimer at the start of the program, pretty much all of the scenes were shot in or later than 1999. Some as recently as 2006. And more than half of them featured uncovered vaginal (and in several cases, anal) penetration. You just don't do that in this day and age. I look forward to the day when I meet someone I end up being with and staying committed to, to being able to be fluid-bonded to that person, to only using condoms for birth-control purposes. But until that day, I'm far too aware of the dangers of HIV to risk it. And there have been too many porn HIV scandals, for people to be taking these risks. And not no-name amateurs like my last point referred to, I mean names like Belladonna. Of course, the "condom-only" approach was all voluntary, and varied largely on a studio-to-studio basis. Maybe I'm just too practical, that I can't just sit back and let fantasy take me away. But I can't watch uncovered anal sex and not thing about the dangers. What's next, though, just compounds it.
  4. ATM. Who the fuck on this planet decided that it was sexy for the man to take his cock directly from the woman's ass and stick it in her mouth? I mean, most men won't even kiss their girl immediately after she goes down, but they think this sort of thing is hot? Not just scenes that could have been done with clever editing-- I mean scenes in which the dick goes back and forth many, many times within the full camera frame. Sure, you can cleanse the area, use enemas, etc. But it's still the one of the most bacteria-ridden parts of the body. Ask any sex educator and they'll stress the importance of not moving directly from anal back to vaginal without first cleaning oneself. Maybe they're on to something. And yes, I know this is personal preference (clearly, if it's being done as much as I'm seeing in my small sample, someone must be driving the market). But then, it's my bitch-list, too.
  5. Gulp. Having a fondness for the blowjob myself, I have a... proclivity towards buying (or renting) titles that are heavy on the oral action. And the last 4-5 I've (for lack of a better phrase) come across, all seem to have one thing in common aside from facial finishes: at some point, usually several such points, the guy forcefully gags the woman with his dick. Usually pretty hard, usually in rapid succession. Sometimes it's milder, the woman just pushes herself as far down as she can go, and holds herself there until her eyes water and she coughs around/against the dick. Like the ATM, someone must think this is sexy, because it's all over the place any more. To me, it's distracting at the very least. Maybe I'm just missing the chromosome that makes the sound of trying not to vomit sexy. Given my (growing) list of complaints with porn, it could just be me I suppose.
  6. Lesbi-ain'ts. I think that before any director is allowed to shoot a girl-on-girl scene, he (or she) should be compelled to watch actual lesbians having sex. Note the total lack of inch-long nails. Take care to observe that the body language generally involves facing each other while kissing, not both women facing the camera while their backs lay on the same geometric plane. I know mainstream porn thinks lesbians are just waiting for the dick to magically appear, but that's no reason to face the same direction. Shouldn't someone should be looking in each direction, so it doesn't sneak up on them?
I think that's enough for now. Needless to say, it ain't easy for me to find porn I like these days. And when I do find something boner-inspiring, I end up watching it until I'm tired of it. But at least the looking and test-viewing part is entertaining!

-D

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