Diary of An Unrepentant Sex Addict

Monday, May 28, 2007

When Sex-Addiction Isn't So Cute

I'm back in Denver for a week, to see a friend's son graduate from high school. It's a nice, quiet vacation, a needed break from the job I've been at for almost 6 months now.

In coming back, I was reminded of one of the few people I fooled around with while I was living here last year. I didn't write about it here (I don't think... I should probably check the archives to be sure, but if I did write it was only briefly), because it was actually a little unnerving for me.

See, this person is also a sex addict. But compared to her, I'm just a wanker trying to justify himself. And I don't consider myself a wanker trying to justify himself. This person doesn't have issues, she has subscriptions. But I'm happy to say that she does try very hard to keep her life on an even keel. With varying degrees of success, of course (as do we all). But one thing I found from exchanging a few e-mails then checking out her MySpace page, was that the local alternative weekly had done a story about her back in February. A story that is pretty candid, and one that revealed even more details of her rough times than even she or her ex-husband had ever mentioned in person back when I was living here and occasionally hanging out with them:


Reading this, I am actually grateful that my own addiction is fairly mild by comparison. I wish you only the best, hon.

-D

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Monday, May 21, 2007

ABM: F%&!ing Ouch!

(I am still desperately clinging to my attempts to pass the "Ass-Blogging Monday" meme into the mainstream sex-blog-o-sphere.)

So, apparently I was a bit hasty in assuming that I had forever blown my chances with the TV I had seen several times before. After apologizing and making a heartfelt offer to be more attentive and less selfish, I was given a second chance last Saturday night. Now, I happen to know that I wasn't her first choice. The ad I cited in that previous article? She posted a second one several hours later. Finally, around 3:30AM she replied to my last e-mail and invited me over. So right off the bat, I knew that she probably had waited as long as she thought she could, hoping that someone else would answer and agree to visit. But like I said, I'd been (mostly) in the wrong (mixed signals or no) so I accepted that.

I headed over, and we spent a good part of the first hour or so just laying side-by-side and talking. Eventually, though, inevitably one might say, talking turned to caressing, caressing turned to stroking, and stroking led to getting undressed. This time was different in a lot of ways. First of all, it was the first time I penetrated her. Now, I'm not actually that into anal. But sometimes that's your only avenue, so you enjoy it. After due time spent enjoying this, we took a break to catch our second wind. Somehow, the conversation turned to whether I had ever been on the receiving end. I hadn't, and I admitted as much. So, she suggested giving it a go. And since I was in an accommodating mood, I said, "Sure!"

That. Fucking. Hurt.

OK, first of all, I'm not sure if I should continue using the feminine pronoun when it's her pegging me. Hell, I don't even know if it counts as pegging since a real penis was being used. I'll keep using the feminine out of habit, I suppose. Anyway, maybe she was out of practice on being on the pitching end, but she was sure as shit lacking in subtlety. And another thing... to quote Orlando Jones in Evolution, "There's always time for lube!". But other than what was on the condom itself, she seemed to have forgotten that detail.

I know some of you out there really groove on anal play. But I gotta say, I'm not digging it from my (admittedly limited) first-hand experience. It was about 6:00AM when I left, and yes, I was walking a little gingerly.

-Dausa

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Sunday, May 20, 2007

In Which I Learn I Was a Selfish Lout

Since the end of the "33 Days" experiment, I haven't really been getting out much, let along getting much. Part of it was due to my depression kicking in, part of it just from lack of time (and energy) to pursue things. But I did see the TV a couple more times. This was the person that I first saw back when I did my so-called "Craigslist Experiment". In fact, she had placed an ad I answered, she wasn't someone answering the ad I had placed. She also was amazing to fool around with, so after I got past the 33 days, and after I started getting my shit together again, I saw her a couple of times.

Then, a few weeks ago, she stopped replying or calling me.

Mind you, it's not as though she always jumped every time I replied to her. Some nights, I imagine someone else got there first. But for several ads in a row, I heard nothing. Then, earlier this week, she replied.

In the reply (which I didn't save, so I can quote verbatim), she said she was a little hurt by the fact that the last time or two I'd been over, I basically got my rocks off and split, with barely even any chit-chat. And she was right-- I had done exactly that. Of course, I hadn't really thought about it until she said something, and since then I've been kicking myself for it. I don't want to be that kind of person, so it sucks to learn that I was doing so despite my best efforts. Not only that, but it cost me an otherwise very fun, very accommodating play-partner.

Now, in my defense, her ads generally had the gist of, "Come use me as a cock-slut, this is what I like." I'm not playing blame-the-victim, here. The person very much likes the submissive role, and emphasizes this in her ads. In fact, she has on up right now:

Last night was beyond dead. Hopefully tonight I will encounter all kinds of dick in desperate need of my special oral attention. I serve as a hot Latina crossdresser ( very passable ) and always hot for a good piece of dick! Requirements for you this evening are simply this, you must be available to travel to XXXXXXXXX ( don't ask me to come to you! ), you must be clean in decent shape and know how to serve that tool between your legs ( size is not an issue but how you use it )and last you must foward a photo with a brief description of yourself and your sexual needs for this evening.
And that ad is actually quite tame compared to most of them. It was all very confusing for someone who doesn't pick up on social cues very well. The ads seemed to stress one thing, and yet she complained about something else. But in the end, it comes down to me not being very considerate, and that sucks. I don't know if I'll see her again or not. But if I don't, it's my loss more than hers.

Dausa

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