Jon Stewart on Ted Haggard

Reacting to the "news" that ultra-gay-bashing former-Reverend Ted Haggard is now decidedly straight:

Sad news for the gays, as they're referred to: unfortunately, they've lost one of their own, this evening, Ted Haggard. The Evangelical preacher, whom you know was caught doing meth and blowing dudes, um, the Denver Post is reporting he is now COMPLETELY HETEROSEXUAL. He went through a three-week, very intensive... of course, a lot of people would say, "How did they do it? How did they turn this clearly, uh, gay man into a heterosexual?" It's very simple. You know when you were a kid, and your father caught you smoking? And, uh, then he decided to make you smoke a carton? Ahhh... Ted's been a busy boy.

(I was living in Denver when that mess first hit the news. And I take unfair satisfaction at seeing that sort of hypocrite get busted and exposed. It's a flaw of mine, I know.)

-D

Men Are Sluts: My Own Craigslist "Experiment"

So, as I alluded to in a previous post, I'm really in awe of how slutty men are, in general. Now, don't go sending me condescending e-mails that mostly say "DUH!". I didn't say I was surprised, just in awe. Likewise, I understand that politicians on the whole are corrupt and money-driven; I'm still entitled to be in awe of the sheer hubris of people like Tom Delay.

But back to my point: the sluttiness of the male. And not just your garden-variety male, but gay and bi men in particular. See, I learned a valuable lesson a long time ago: if I'm really jonesing for a blowjob, there are plenty of gay/bi men (possibly closeted) who are more than happy to oblige.

Actually, I learned two lessons. The above, and just as importantly, that even though I am somewhat heavy-set and fairly hairy, that's not the detriment with men that it often is with women. Indeed, it can be a bonus! There's a whole sub-culture within gaydom devoted to my body-type: the bear. And there are plenty of self-identified "bear chasers" out there. So, while I'm still trying to lose weight for simple health and self-image reasons, it's not getting in the way in the meantime.

Thursday, I placed an ad on the m4m part of the casual encounters section of Craigslist in the south bay area. It was simple, and to the point: tall bear wants a no-strings-attached blowjob. Honest description of my body, and vague reference to what area I lived in.

I had responses literally within minutes of the ad being posted.

That day, I had three encounters, though to be fair the third was from an ad that I had answered, to go fool around with a tranny (more on that in a later musing). I referred briefly to the two ad-related encounters in an earlier message-- one was mind-blowing, the other disappointing. The latter was disappointing because I hadn't bothered to get a picture of the person first, and he turned out to be a much older man. Having just come my brains out a few hours earlier, it was going to be a feat to perform again so soon (I'm not as young as I used to be, and letting my health go has had other undesired effects). Unfortunately, I really couldn't. Started out OK, but it just wasn't there (even when I broke my own rules and tried to picture straight porn, or even the earlier experience, in my head).

But the first guy? Woo hoo. Younger, clean-cut, and a pierced tongue. I'm such a sucker for piercings. And boy could he use it. He worked me over from tip to taint for a good 20 minutes or more. If we didn't both have places we had to get to, we might still be at it still. I've never been with someone so adept at sensing when I was about to pop and backing off before I passed the point of no return. I can't even describe the sensations in most of the cases, but it may actually be the single best BJ I've ever had. And I've had a lot, let me tell ya. I might go see this one again, if he's amenable.

Mind you, replies continued to come in. I was going to see one person on Friday, someone who actually was hoping for more out of the encounter-- cuddling, etc. I'm not necessarily opposed to that, but it wasn't what I was looking for at the moment, so he got filed away for later. Several got deleted outright; I know it's happened to me plenty of times when I've answered ads, so I don't feel any guilt over it. I saw another one on Saturday. Also older, also less attractive, but almost as good as the guy on Thursday so what he lacked in eye-appeal he made up for with sleight-of-tongue.

Counting him, the one that fizzled, and the TV, that's four encounters in three days. So understand that when I call men sluts, I'm well aware that I'm just as guilty. I guess what shocks me is that the the sluttiness is so highly concentrated, so tightly focused. The gay bathhouse scene was a notable part of the early rapid spread of HIV in the 80's. The clubs I've gone to over the years have had strict latex rules, but only because of the damage already done; back then condoms were considered only for preventing pregnancy and thus were hardly necessary between two men. What I'm saying is, this goes back decades. I wonder sometimes if even Oscar Wilde wouldn't be a more than a little shocked at what goes on these days in the world of gay men.

Here's the rub: not all of the men cruising these ads would identify as gay or bi, even in private, even in the confidence of a therapist's office. They just don't see themselves as such. And the men who are, they know and understand this, too. Watch for ads calling for "str8" (straight) dick to suck. For some of the suck-ers, the straight-ness of the suck-ee is just as thrilling a novelty as the thought of having a guy on his dick instead of a girl is for the suck-ee. And all because we men are basically sluts, and when it comes to coming, we'll do just about anything to do so (especially if we're pretty sure we won't get caught).

You just don't hear about things like this in the world of women, regardless of orientation. I mean, I've had female friends who went through self-identified "slutty phases". One friend occasionally posts to CL casual encounters in her geographical area (and don't even bother asking me because I'm not telling). Posts looking for men, and always gets upward of 200 replies. And she's a big girl, honest and upfront about it in her post. Gives her height and her weight, so that they can't claim to be surprised when/if they meet her. Still rakes in the replies. Some of the men are bonafide "chubby chasers", but most are just so intent on fucking that they'll hook up with someone they wouldn't otherwise acknowledge on the street. But she's the exception; I'd wager that 98% or more of traffic on the "w4m" part of casual encounters these days is either commercial spam or photo-phishing (scammers collecting photos that they can then use to create false accounts and/or post false ads elsewhere, where a photo would be needed).

And if there is even 2% that's legit, in my area, either I haven't responded to them or I wasn't to their liking. Because I'm just as bad as the rest, and frequently answer women's ads in the hope of one day finding that rare gem, a real woman who'll fuck me to the point of oblivion then dress and leave. No questions asked.

(Of course, it helps that I figure any photos of me are already in the hands of all the phishers, so I have little to lose.)

Dausa

Get On the Shortbus

Voyeurism is Participation

That's the tag-line for John Cameron Mitchell's Shortbus, which opened in general release this weekend. I've been chomping at the bit to see this, ever since I first heard about it and the fact that it featured real, un-faked sex between the actors. I have a weird thing for "real" film fare that dares to cross that line-- I own a copy of Romance, and have also seen Intimacy (which only had one little bit of crossing-the-line). I do confess that my fascination isn't strong-enough to yet experience Brown Bunny.

So I went in, expecting some nice titillation, and hoping there was some reasonable movie around the juicy bits.

This is, without exaggeration, one of the best-written, most moving films I've seen in years. Years. And I see a lot of movies. At this point, I'm easily in the high hundreds, though I doubt I've reached 1000 yet. I truly love the art of film, but I just was not ready for how good, how touching and gripping the characters and their stories were. In my defense, I had not seen JCM's previous film, Hedwig and the Angry Inch. If I had, I'd have had higher expectations going in, and the movie would still have exceeded them.

(As it happens, another theater was doing a midnight screening of Hedwig tonight, as well. So I made the evening into an ersatz JCM double feature.)

It's hard to describe the film without giving away too much about the characters. You need to discover them bit by bit, like everyone else in the theater. The lead character is a couples' counselor named Sofia, played by Sook-Yin Lee, one of only a few of the actors to have an "established" career. I imagine getting actors willing to have sex on-camera wasn't easy, so it's no surprise really that so many of them are relative newcomers. But everyone in this film is good; there isn't a bad turn by anyone. Even the local color-- NYC performance artists appearing as themselves-- avoid the bland and/or wooden presence that usually comes from pulling such a celebrity out of their usual element and plopping them in front of a camera. The movie, in a broad and general sense, is about the intersecting lives of several New Yorkers who are all damaged in some way related to or centered around sexuality. Every one of them makes you ache, because each problem, different as they all are, resonates. And they all end up at the same underground performance art/music/play-space called "Shortbus". I can't explain much more without giving things away. Except that I came close to tearing up at several points, and I'll be back to see it again. And I'll buy the DVD when it comes out. (I'll also be buying the Hedwig DVD, but I don't have to wait for that one.)

It feels sort of like this movie has started a gradual movement of change in me, I don't know how to explain it. Seeing things in these characters that I recognized in myself, gave me a feeling like maybe things can be different, can get better. And, on an unrelated note, this movie has made me feel a genuine pull towards NYC, something that no other film has (and like I said, I've seen hundreds of films, of which several score were NYC-centered). I wouldn't be surprised if there was really a scene similar to what the movie portrays out there. If I thought I had a chance of meeting the right people, and finding that kind of creative, expressive space, I'd be looking at job listings tomorrow.

See this movie. You'll be so glad you did.

-D