OK, Cupid, Maybe You CAN Get Me Laid

I've actually had very little success with the OKCupid matching site. And that's a shame, really, because I love their tests and I think their approach to questions (allowing multiple "right" answers, weighting the importance of various questions) is probably one of the best thought-out of the dating-website diaspora. And yet, until this week I'd never gotten lucky with anyone I met there. A number of first dates, but rarely a second date.

And then, this happens. I'm currently in Denver, and will be for a few more days. Last year, when I lived here for a few months, I'd tried to date a little using OKC (and a few others) as a source, to no avail. I don't remember how I found the particular ad, but after moving back to California I stumbled across an ad from someone in Boulder. An almost idea match-- polyamorous, close (-enough) to my age, and many shared interests including Russian. I sent a brief e-mail that basically joked, "Where were you last year when I was in Denver for 8 months?" Funny-enough, she wrote back and said I should drop her a line next time I was headed to the area. So a few weeks ago, I did. But this story actually isn't about her, and you'd probably prefer I get to the sex part, anyway...

When I wrote to her, as is the wont of OKC I saw a few suggested profiles for people in the same general area that are similar (by OKC's measure) to the person I just wrote to. One of them really caught my eye, as her views on sex and poly relationships was very close to mine. I was hesitant, though, because there was a larger age-gap than I would normally pursue. But I sent a fairly harmless message anyway. She replied and seemed to be really interested in me. We exchanged some OKC messages, and moved one evening into actual chat. Started on OKC, moved to Yahoo IM. I still wasn't sure she was actually interested in getting together, but the chat was enjoyable.

Then it started getting slightly suggestive. I was being a good boy, I swear! But after a bit, I had to start teasing a little in return. You know, like self-defense. Sorta. Anyway, so we decided to meet somewhere last Saturday, after she got off work. Picked a nice, reasonably-quiet bar. I got there and immediately recognized her from her pics. Oh yeah... pics. Did I mention that by way of teasing me, she had sent me links ("private guest passes", in Flickr terminology) to several Flickr photo sets she had, that were carefully locked? And for good reason... these included several strip-tease sets, a set from her first orgy (which also proudly pointed out that she herself had organized it), and a set called "not alone", that comprised of pics of her with others (but which did not belong to the orgy set). As George Takei would say, "Oh my."

So, yeah, after deciding that despite a clear case of mutual lust (I had only a few pictures to offer, but sent them in order to be fair) it would not be wise for one of us to drive the 30 or so miles to the other at 2AM for a quickie, we made the Saturday plans. And so it came to be that I was having a pint of Guinness (food of the gods), across from her and her simple white wine. We talked for hours, joking, flirting just a little. And as it was getting late, we left and went to my car (well, the car I borrowed from the friend I'm staying with out here). At this point, I was hopeful but a little unsure... aside from semi-anon hook-ups on Craigslist, my actual dating-life has been pretty cruddy for quite a while. This person was neither a professional, paid to tolerate my advances, nor a fellow CL cruiser, who may have simply decided that I was "good enough" for that evening's efforts. No, this was a real, ordinary person with fairly ordinary dating instincts. But as we sat and contemplated each other, I boldly made the move for a first kiss. And 10 minutes later, we broke off long enough to consider our dilemma:

• Driving to my place was out because (a) it was 30+ miles away and (b) my friend was already annoyed that I had made a date to spend time with someone other than her (despite the fact that we are only friends, not romantically-involved, and despite the fact that in previous visits she herself had tried to get me laid... I don't understand, so please don't ask...)
• Her place was out because she currently was living with a parent while returning to school after a few years' break
• There was no doubt we needed to find someplace, and fast

So we did something I hadn't actually ever had to do before: we found a cheap motel, and rented a room solely for the purpose of sex.

Once in the room, we didn't waste any time. But that was largely because we didn't have a lot of time to waste... it was already late, and she had to be up early Sunday for work. But we had enough time for my two favorite Latin words. Who am I kidding... for me, there's always time for going down!

After we spent more time making out (this time, doing so while deliciously undressed), I kissed my way down her body and took a moment to gaze at her V. Very nice, indeed: neatly trimmed, without any actual shaving. I could play to my heart's content without worrying about either stray hairs or razor stubble. So I went in and started in on my usual tricks and technique. I know I've said it over and over, but I fucking love going down on a woman. I don't know why, maybe because I got conditioned to consider it "forbidden fruit" earlier in my sexual history. But it's just heaven for me. So, I'd made sure she knew that I was a lover of this activity, and also more than happy to go as long as it took for her to get off... I didn't just consider it some obligatory foreplay. And she had warned that she rarely gets off from just oral. But that's OK... I'm just lovin' life, for now. Licking, suckling the clit, lightly nipping the labia, long slow broad strokes of my tongue. After a while, at her request, I work a few fingers into her and start massaging the general area of the G-spot (which I tend to have more trouble locating than the clit itself). But sure-enough, after about 20 minutes or so, she stops me and tells me that she thinks she'd have a better chance of getting off if I continue to use the fingers inside her, but let her work her clit with her own fingers. You know, some guys might take offense at this, or at least feel like they weren't effective. Not me. I'm just happy to see my partner get off, especially if I can have a hand in it (oh, that was a bad pun... sorry). And after another 5 minutes or so, I got what I wanted to see: her in the throes of a great O, so much that almost her entire body lifted up from the bed.

Then it was my turn. As sometimes happens, I had gotten very focused on what I was doing to/for her, and my own excitement had... faded. But she had bragged about her oral skills, and felt the need to back up her bold words. And she did. I can no longer point to a single person as the hands-down "best" oralist I've had the pleasure of enjoying, but she was pretty damn good. When she took me over the edge, I felt almost as if I was coming so hard my feet were shrinking.

Alas, at that point I knew I was spent for the night, and she still had work to dread, err, look forward to. So we parted ways, me driving her back to the bar to get her car, and her saying good-night with a hungry kiss that made me wish it were 3PM instead of AM. But part we did, and drove back to my house and she to hers. Neither of us knowing for sure if our schedules (hers consisting of school and work, mine consisting of remote website work and house maintenance/repairs) would let us get together again.

Turns out they do-- tomorrow morning. And on that note, I need to get some sleep :-).

-Dausa

London Calling. Errr, Again.

Tomorrow I'll be on a flight to London, this time to spend a good week (almost) there before heading north-ish to Telford. I'll be kicking around from the 3rd on to the 9th or so. Any suggestions for places to check out are greatly appreciated. I love this city, and plan to see as much as I can in the six or so days I'll have. And if you're a London-area blogger and are interesting in chatting over a pint, that too might be possible (though one evening is already spoken for at this point).

Ta!

-D

When Sex-Addiction Isn't So Cute

I'm back in Denver for a week, to see a friend's son graduate from high school. It's a nice, quiet vacation, a needed break from the job I've been at for almost 6 months now.

In coming back, I was reminded of one of the few people I fooled around with while I was living here last year. I didn't write about it here (I don't think... I should probably check the archives to be sure, but if I did write it was only briefly), because it was actually a little unnerving for me.

See, this person is also a sex addict. But compared to her, I'm just a wanker trying to justify himself. And I don't consider myself a wanker trying to justify himself. This person doesn't have issues, she has subscriptions. But I'm happy to say that she does try very hard to keep her life on an even keel. With varying degrees of success, of course (as do we all). But one thing I found from exchanging a few e-mails then checking out her MySpace page, was that the local alternative weekly had done a story about her back in February. A story that is pretty candid, and one that revealed even more details of her rough times than even she or her ex-husband had ever mentioned in person back when I was living here and occasionally hanging out with them:

One Wild Ride

Reading this, I am actually grateful that my own addiction is fairly mild by comparison. I wish you only the best, hon.

-D

Back to Familiar Ground

It looks like I'll be going back to California, rather than immigrating to England like I had planned. It's been a torturous decision for me, literally the toughest of my life. And when I think about it, I'm pretty thankful that this is in fact the toughest decision I've ever faced.

I was in London last week, interviewing. I missed seeing, for drinks, someone whose writing I greatly admire. Alas, I could tell that given the situation it wouldn't have mattered if I could have contacted her weeks in advance, as her prior plans were set well in advance. I did have a date, though, that went well. It's a shame that I won't be going back, as we hit it off so well.

But, that's the way the cookie crumbles, for now at least. Back to the bay, and back to that dating scene. I feel very different, now, though. I feel like I've missed the bay area so much since leaving, that I have an appreciation for it now that I lacked before. I feel like I have it within me to be more purposeful and self-assured. Before, I felt like I would someday return to Colorado, so I didn't try very hard at relationships out there. Now, having been in Colorado for a few months, I know this isn't going to be the place I retire to. Maybe my future home is someplace I haven't been yet, or maybe I'll just comfortably settle in California. I don't know, and right now I'm not worried about it. For now, I just have to plan my return (within the parameters of when the new company wants me to start my job).

(Posted from Mesa, Arizona, aprés turkey. Two Thursdays ago, I was in Mt. View, CA. Last Thursday, I was in London, England. Tonight, Mesa, AZ. Travel can be fun, but this much in so short a span of time sucks the asses of sweaty pack mules.)

-D

Still Not in London

Things have been almost funny-enough to rate as an evening comedy. Except people would get bored halfway into the first show and start flipping channels.

I have my work permit. I have my residency visa. What I do not have, however, is a job. Due to cuts in funding from their clients, the company I was to work for had to rescind their offer. I'm in full-on job search mode now, and have had some very promising interviews.

I got to Denver on May 10 of this year. At the time, I expected to be in London by mid-June at the latest. It is now October 10 (well, 11th to be pedantic). The person who gave me the spare room to stay in has been patient beyond belief. She's an ex-SO, and yes we've given in to the occassional urge to fool around. I think I even mentioned this before, not sure. Its a shallow substitute for actually being out and meeting someone to have a relationship with, but it beats the five-finger revue.

And that' s another thing. I've shied away from trying to date, except one attempt at placing an ad on the "Casual Encounters" section of the local Craigslist (and we all know what that leads to). After all, I'm not going to be here much longer. A few weeks at best. I've been telling myself that for over FIVE MONTHS now. It's not realistic to try and indulge in commercial sex, for several reasons; I don't have much income (and I need what I have), I don't have my own place for outcalls, and most of all the spam-to-real-ad ratio on the local "Erotic Services" CL section is abysmal. I've actually considered trying to write a 'bot of sorts, to read the ads off of the RSS feed and flag the ones that have obvious tells of spam. I would hope that CL already has something like that, but you couldn't guess it from the Denver ERS section.

I just want to be in London. I'm tired of whacking off because I don't know if I will be around long-enough to justify trying to date. At least when I find myself whacking off (excuse me, I mean "wanking") in London, it'll be because I haven't found a date, not because it isn't feasible to look. And if London completely falls through, I'll head back to the bay area. One of the really promising interviews was a bay area company. Of course, I've given up the apartment that was priced way below market, so I'm not looking forward to trying to find housing. But while I used to wistfully think of Denver, I realize now that I'd been in Silicon Valley long enough for that to become home. So if I don't get to go to Europe, I'm going to go home.

And have all the sex I can.

-D

Time Flies Like an Arrow

(...and fruit flies like a banana.)

If I waited until tomorrow to post this, it would be exactly 5 months since my last post. This is not hardly what I had in mind when I started doing this.

So, where do I begin with the excuses and apologies? The circumstances are that my foot required not one but two surgeries; the second one delayed my move from California back to Colorado (Denver); problems with paperwork have meant that I'm still in the U.S., and not in London like I was expecting. But the truth of the matter is that I've been riding emotional ups and downs, and just haven't had anything to write about, let alone the emotional motivation to write.

I was in Kansas City, MO, this past weekend. Alas, I was there for a convention geared towards a very male-dominated hobby, so I wasn't able to add Missouri to my list of "states I've had sex in". (Somewhere, there's a site that lets you tick off the ones you have copulated in, and creates a map of it. But I can't find the link with any amount of Google-fu.) During that time, the person behind one of my favorite blogs was outed in relation to the book she wrote. I was very saddened for her when I heard; it's not just in America that silly throw-back attitudes towards sex make life unnecessarily difficult for women. I hope this smooths out for her without her being subjected to waves of crazies. The author of the newspaper story (not deserving of a link) didn't need to reveal her real name. But when has that ever stopped someone?

So, the late-breaking news is that my work permit for the UK has finally been approved, despite the delays caused by my making mistakes in my initial applications, and my prospective employer having problems when they decided to sponsor me instead. Optimistically, I could be in London by the end of the month, though I think this time next month is more likely.

And none the sooner...

D

New York, Performance Art, Bloggers

Alas, my time here in NYC has thus far been too busy to get into much trouble. That should hopefully change tomorrow evening.

Last night, I traveled to the Knitting Factory to see the Sex Workers Art Show. While there, I got to meet Waking Vixen in person, after an exchange of e-mails (it was her that led me to the show). She introduced me to Cherry Bomb, who's blog I've only just started reading (but will probably soon join the link-roll on the right). The show was a treat, and not just because there were several bay-area performers on the bill. On my way out, I picked up a few issues of $pread Magazine, which WV works on and promotes tirelessly. I've read the first issue through cover-to-cover. I like it a lot, enough that it deserves a separate post later on.

All in all, enjoying myself. The broken foot is slowing me down (brilliant plan, this-- going to the most pedestrian-oriented city in the U.S. with a broken foot), but I'm getting around. And I have two more nights yet, to get myself into some sort of memorable trouble.

D

And Lastly for Tonight-- NYC

Just a note that I will be in NYC all next week, from Monday evening through Saturday morning. I've already talked to a few bloggers about grabbing a drink or something while I'm in town, but if there are some readers in the area that I wasn't aware of, feel free to drop me an e-mail.

D

This Blog(ger) Will Soon Be Moving

In a curious twist, following on my lay-off of last month, it looks like my next permanent job will not be in the bay area of California. Oh, I'll be here for at least another month or so, as I take care of a contract with a NYC firm and some local contract work. But somwhere around mid-April or so, I'll be leaving.

Leaving California, leaving the U.S.

Unless something goes completely awry (such as, say, failing to be granted a work permit), I will be joining a company in London, England. This is at once exciting and a little scary. Maybe a little more scary than exciting, I don't know.

D

More Travel in my Future

Well, I'm back from Denver. No nookie for Dausa, I just can't bring myself to lead people on like I might have 10 years ago, and the person my friend was trying to hook me up with didn't seem to be on the same page as I was.

However, all is not lost! While sex continues to elude me in both California and Colorado, I have just learned I'm being offered a contract to do some work in New York City. Without giving away too much (and linking this blog to my Real Life Blog), the work is highly specialized, and I literally wrote the book on the subject. As in, available at Amazon or a Barnes & Nobles near you. The schedule remains to be ironed out, but I'm looking forward to it. There are several amazing bloggers in that area that I'd love to meet in person. And one or two that I'd love to do more than just meet...

D

Back in the DNVR

Spending a few days in Denver, again. Just felt like getting away from California for a bit, and the ticket was cheap. My friend out here is trying to set me up with a female friend of hers... I kind of blew the first meeting pretty badly, though. We all had dinner this evening, but I didn't feel like I had any real chances at opening a conversation, and after the friend left, my host gave me grief over not talking to her more. I didn't sleep last night, and I had to do a lot of walking on my broken foot-- I had to go from one concourse to another in Phoenix, and pulled into the the one concourse at Denver's airport that doesn't have people-movers in it. So I was tired, my foot hurt like hell, and apparently I wasn't suitably flirty-enough. Better luck tomorrow, maybe. I mean, she's more than cute-enough, but she isn't someone I'd date on a long-term basis. And if I tap that, and then move out here, she may expect a longer commitment out of me...

D

No Love in OKC

Sorry for my long absence. This time it really wasn't about busy work-schedules or the like. I have to confess that I've been really fretting over my issues in Denver. By the end of the week, I had managed to play with my host a little bit, but it was limited to her watching (and encouraging) me as I whacked off. Mind you, she really gets into that, so it wasn't a loss by any measure. Looking back in the weeks following my trip, I also pondered whether I was also slowed by the acclimation to the higher altitude. Might explain why I was able to keep it together that last time before flying home.

Either way, I'm now off in Oklahoma for the Christmas holiday, visiting family. And let me tell you, trying to get laid in Oklahoma City is about like trying to get robbed in an Amish community-- it could happen, but someone will have seriously compromised their morals. I mean, no "War on Christmas" here... there's an office building that proudly leaves select office lights on, on each building-side, in the shape of a cross some 11 or more stories tall. Needless to say, the "casual encounters" section on the OKC Craigslist node is pretty lacking. As is, it happens, the "women seeking men" and even the "erotic services". 99% spam in ERS and CAS, in case you were wondering.

Mind you, there are quite a few ex-lovers around the area, were I able (and in some cases, willing) to get in touch with them. The Older Woman is out here, and I could probably manage a hook-up with her without too much trouble, unless she's re-married (and who's to say that would prevent it?). Most of the exes aren't likely to be interested more in a brief chat, though, even if I could get in touch.

But no mile-high altitude screwing with my oxygen supply, so I at least still have my hand to rely upon. I don't, however, have much in the way of porn. You can't get hardcore out here, and my internet connection is choppy. Life sucks all over, doesn't it?

D

Blogger Needs Solace, Badly

(Sorry, bad turn-of-phrase on the old Gauntlet video game's warning message.)

Three-day weekend coming up. I blew the last big weekend I had (July 4th), by pretty much sleeping 2/3 or more of it. For this one, I need to get away from the bay area. I need something quiet and most of all, cheap. And within 4-5 hours of San Jose, California.

I just need to hole up somewhere with my laptop and few other distractions. I'm not getting laid these days, might as well get some writing done...

D

Signs, No Portents

Before I go to sleep, a few choice pix from Portland:


 Actual restaurant/lounge sign in Chinatown

 I chose to stick with water

D

Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo

(The title is the title of the latest single from the Bloodhound Gang. If you don't get it, make an acronym for it.)

So, I'm back home from Portland. I did in fact add Oregon to the list of states I've had sex in (for the record, it stands at Arizona, California, Colorado, Minnesota, New Mexico, Oklahoma, Oregon, Washington, Mexico and England). But to be fair, I did "order in", as it were. Being at a tech conference, the ratio of women to men was already dismal, and most of them were already partnered to some degree. Plus, women have a hard-enough time getting taken seriously in this field, without risking their rep by having one-nighters at serious tech conferences. Trade-shows, maybe. But this event is heavier than that. Add to that that I wasn't really up for trolling bars, and paying for it seemed like the best way out.

Which isn't to say that there are not some truly beautiful women in the Portland area. I encountered no less that five blue-eyed redheads, a color combination I'm a real sucker for. My wanderings around to places like Powell's books also brought a lot of fine eye-candy into view. There was in fact one woman visiting friends-- she was English but currently living in Atlanta (?!?)-- whom I met at a restaurant. We seemed to click really well; had I been able to separate her from her two (male) friends, I'd have slipped her my cell number. Might not have led to anything, but at least I would have tried!

So, failing all that I went to plan "B"...

I started out by checking Craig's List, specificially the listings for erotic services in Portland. The first thing that struck me was just how much more spam there is there than in the similar section for the bay area (well, the bay area is divided into five sections, SF, pennisula, north, south and east bay, and to be fair I only ever check the south bay). The ratio seemed to be almost 1:1 during some periods of the day. I wonder if may there just aren't as many providers using CL up there, and that in fact the spam rate is the same, just not as much wheat to offset the chaff.

Anyway, after reading for a while, I decided to call upon someone who went by "Tall Brunette". There were several messages praising her not only for skill, but also for attitude and general considerateness. There were also a few messages claiming she was a rip-off, and that the positive messages were all really her. But for some reason, I decided to take a change. And thank goodness I did.

One thing that makes it nearly impossible to completely give up commercial sex, is that I have about a 90% success-rate at picking quality people to see. As if I just have a sense for when the good comments are made-up or not, when the person truly is as good as others suggest. This was no exception.

She arrived almost exactly on time-- indeed, I was still shaving after having showered, since I just assumed she'd be 5-10 minutes late. She smiled, hugged me, and left me to finish shaving. We chatted a bit (though talking and shaving with a disposable razor at the same time is no mean feat), and she made herself comfy-- by dropping her pants and coming back into the bathroom in just her panties and t-shirt. When I finished shaving, we kissed for the first time... I'd checked to make sure she wasn't a smoker, but I could tell she was an occassional toker. But that is something that I can live with-- doesn't affect the breath (or the taste) like "regular" smoking does.

We moved to the bed, and continued making out. It was a really relaxing thing... I felt like I was with someone I'd already been on several dates with. And she was in fact tall-- probably 5'10" or 5'11" without shoes. So we were matched up nicely... face-to-face, hips-to-hips and feet-to-feet. We kept kissing and plaing footsie until she decided we needed to be undressed. She seemed pleased with the erection I had to offer (or at least, she did a good job making me feel like it), and proceeded to perform some world-class oral.

After about 10 minutes of this, I suggested we try a little 69. She very shyly declined, saying she couldn't concentrate on anything else when she was being eaten. I didn't want to finish just yet, so I had her lay back and I took my turn. I could see what she meant-- she really seemed to enjoy being eaten. No, she was wild for it. The longer I went, the more she twisted and bucked. After about 8-10 minutes, she flexed her muscles such that she lifted herself off the bed, save for shoulders and feet. I stayed at it for nearly 5 minutes more. Acknowledging the possibility that she was faking, she at least seemed to have a solid 3 climaxes.

Alas, I wore myself out holding on to her while she was bucking around. I'd been on a flight the day before, and spent the day itself in tutorials (and running a lengthy errand on foot). I fizzled around this time, and was certain I was shot. BUT, lucky for me, she wasn't going to let what I did go unrequited. She proceeded to patiently nuzzle me for what seemed like 15 minutes or more, until I was hard again. And rather than risk me losing it during the time it would take to change positions and deploy latex (yes, I do accept the risk of unconvered oral), she just kept right going, going, going until I was gone.

In short, a wonderful time, well worth the effort on my part. If I'd had the time (and the money to spare), I'd have been glad to call her back for a second round later that week. But my cellphone died and I had to replace it, so I wasn't up for anymore unplanned expenses. Looking back, I kinda wish I'd let the cellphone go...

Dausa

A Chance to Explore New Ground

I'm in Portland, OR, this week for a convention. I haven't had sex in Oregon, so I'm looking forward to expanding my (geographic) horizons...

D