Diary of An Unrepentant Sex Addict

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

33 Days, 33 Posts: Day 31 - So Close, So Far

I'm in a weird state (and I ain't just talkin' about California! *rimshot*). Weird dualities-- I'm keenly-focused on how badly I want to rip my jeans off and wank myself until there are no more juices left to come out, yet at the same time I feel no need to do so. I'm anxious to cruise Craigslist and find a man or a TV or any consenting human to suck me until only dust remains, but I'm supremely confident that I'll manage through the next two days.

(And to clarify, I meant 33 complete days. That means lasting until past midnight on the 2nd. Or more specifically, making it until the 3rd, my birthday.)

I'm giving a lot of thought to how I want to deal with Saturday. I was chatting with one of my favorite bloggers this afternoon, who seemed to think I shouldn't go immediately for the commercial route, that I should try pulling. Well and good, but I don't have the confidence in my chances for success. Believe it or not, I'm cripplingly shy in person. I'm crap at being suave in bars, because I'm crap being suave anywhere. It doesn't help that I have more self-esteem issues around weight (I'm not obese, but I'm big-enough to put a lot of women off), and while I am currently losing weight at a steady pace, I'm not going to be Brad Pitt by Saturday. Hell, I'm not even going to be Paul Giamatti by then. (Though at least I'm a lot taller than he is.) So while I obviously don't have to choose a course of action right this minute, come Saturday (heh heh heh... I said "come") I'll have to decide. Because I don't want my first release to be of the manual-override variety. I'll have plenty of time for that, later. (And to my chat-partner, I haven't forgotten my promise of before-and-after pictures!)

I don't have any real issues of guilt or regret over commercial sex, like I did at first. I try very hard to see people who at least appear to be self-representing, that aren't being controlled by a pimp or exploited in an Asian massage-parlor setting. So guilt isn't the issue. More like longevity, on two levels: on the more base level, I may want more than just an hour. I've got a lot of fluid to move. On the more enlightened level, there's always that one-in-a-hundred chance that I might hit it off really well with the pick-up. It's happened to me before, after all. One thing that's certain: that first orgasm is going to involve another person.

-D

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Tuesday, February 27, 2007

33 Days, 33 Posts: Day 30 - Please Kill Me

After I finished writing last night's entry, I was hard as a rock. All the thinking about playing with a lovely TS possessing of both nicely-rounded breasts and a demandingly-stiff prick, how else could I respond?

I've mentioned that my blanket is an exquisitely-soft micro-fleece. And that the softness most nights is torture against my skin? So I'm trying to fall asleep with a hard-on that can drive nails, and my cat, my fucking cat starts to knead as cats are wont to do. Starts to knead the blanket like she's making bread. And she's doing it right on my fucking boner, using the blanket to make it worse. Adorable Кошка, my Russian Blue that I've had for nearly 9 years (since she was a kitten), is unknowingly posing the greatest threat to my "33 Days" vow since I solemnly stopped visiting www.xxxuploads.com.

So I kicked her off the bed. I mean, I'm only three days away from actually accomplishing this thing. Plus... getting rubbed off by my cat? That's just fucking wrong.

-D

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Monday, February 26, 2007

33 Days, 33 Posts: Day 29 - I Have Varied Tastes

I have a confession: I get seriously turned-on by pre-op male-to-female transsexuals. To some degree, transvestites have a similar effect, but it's the TSs that make me weak in the knees.

My first exposure was Howard Chaykin's Black Kiss mini-series. Vampires, porn stars, organized crime and a pre-op TS prostitute. A three-way between the TS, a vampiric veteran porn actress and one completely unsuspecting guy. And that's within the first chapter or two. With E, I used to watch Brazilian TS porn that her store carried (it was her job to review the porn, so we felt we had a duty).

I've been with a few TVs over time, but as far as I know I've only been with one TS. I don't actually know if she was pre- or post-op because she only went down on me, never undressed. At least one person I've met through Craigslist advertised themselves as a TS but was actually a TV (I'll concede she might have been very early in transition, but really was more TV in appearance). I frequently skim the "t4m" section on CL, but I have yet to actually go that route. I've been to Diva's, a bar in SF that caters to transfolk and their "admirers" (a.k.a. "chasers"). Alas, most of the women there are working, as well.

This "fascination" has led me to give a lot of thought to what I would do if/when I'm in bed with a TS. Would I perform oral? Be receptive to anal? While exploring my bi side with men, I've been pretty strictly a top-- always pitching, never catching.

Over the last, umm, 29 days I've been having a wider variety of sexual fantasies. And in some of them, I catch.

-D

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Sunday, February 25, 2007

33 Days, 33 Posts: Day 28 - Even the Breeze is Stiff

One more day like today, and I may not make it. It honestly felt like I erect from the moment I woke up. I'm mostly erect now.

There's a scene in 40 Days and 40 Nights where the lead character, in an effort to curb his impulses, is shown working on a model car. He's shaking like a leaf. Well, I build models as a hobby (not cars, though, military stuff in my case), and I spent most of the day working on a project in an effort to distract myself from the raging boner I was dealing with. Luckily, the whole shaking-like-a-leaf part is bullshit. Because if it were real, I wouldn't be able to do anything. But like the movie, it didn't really help anyway.

I managed some respite while having dinner with friends, though. For that hour or so, I was able to think of something other than counting the days down to the 3rd. And even still, there were plenty of women around to distract me. While walking to the restaurant, there was a striking Asian woman walking the opposite way on the sidewalk carrying a bottle of wine. (She even came with her own alcohol!) There was a large party at the place we ate, and at the table one of the women (who seemed to be date-less) was a striking black woman. We actually made eye-contact at one point, but that was the extent of it. The way the last few nights have been going, I can probably count on her haunting my dreams.

Earlier, I thought to myself, "If only I could at least get some quality make-out time." Now, after being like this off and on all day, I think even making-out would make me cream in my pants. Now I go off to sleep. I need a less-comfortable blanket. This microfleece one I have, last night it felt like it was caressing me...

-D

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Saturday, February 24, 2007

33 Days, 33 Posts: Day 27 - One Week From Today

...I'm gonna have the most powerful orgasms I've had since the day I discovered masturbation.

A little over two years ago, I took a class called "The Art of Living". I was extremely skeptical, because it sounded very new-agish and all. And it seemed to be very focused on the East Indian community, which I'm not exactly going to blend into very easily. But the person who suggested it was someone I trusted, and I went. It was a very positive experience, though like many things I've tried that had positive impact, I managed to fall out of the habits.

So today, I decided to get back into the habit. I went to a local weekly meditation this morning, where I stood out like the proverbial sore thumb; only white person there, and 5-6 inches taller than anyone else. It was awkward, as I'd forgotten a lot of the mechanics, but eventually I got back into the rhythm. The next thing is for me to make certain I go again next week. There have been so many things in the past that I've tried to do in the name of self-improvement, and to the one I always end up falling out of the habit after a few months or so.

Unlike a lot of people, I can't change my habits, or create new ones, very easily. In fact, it's extremely difficult. Trying to change my diet in an effort to lose weight... trying to get up earlier so that I can exercise even a little bit... all of these are things that I sincerely want to do, but regularly fail to do. For someone as adept at software engineering as I've proven to be, I'm stunningly absent-minded when it comes to remembering new additions to daily routines.

In other news, last night I dreamed that I was once again able to, ahem, attend to my own needs. It's a wonder I didn't wake up swimming in my own fluids. It felt so real, I couldn't believe my luck (and upon waking, realized that I was right not to). I tell you, if I ever manage to get to where I can do that again, I may never leave my apartment. I sure as shit won't be trying any "33 Days" stunts like this one again...

-D

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Friday, February 23, 2007

33 Days, 33 Posts: Day 26 - Is It Really Just One Week Away?

It occurs to me that if I can hold out for just one more week, just seven more days beyond today, I will have reached my goal. I might actually, err, pull this off.

My nuts feel like they're the size of grapefruits. I know, on an intellectual level, that there's really little effective difference between the quantity of pent-up, ummm, energy between seven days and twenty-six days. It's purely psychological, I know, to think that the quantity and force of the orgasm I have on the 3rd will be that much different that if I'd broken down on day eight and gone scrambling for the stash of porn.

But it's going to feel like it, whether it's true or not. I'm not sure what I'll do on that day. I'm not dating anyone, and I'm not exactly a pick-up artist so I can't just assume that I can go to a bar or club and pull. I'm trying really hard to get out of the habit of commercial sex (this stunt is part of that larger effort), so I'm not letting myself think in those terms. At least, not yet. But it seems like it would be a shame to, well, "waste" what is going to a monumental emission on the porcelain of my bath-tub. On the other hand, I feel like if I were to be getting a blowjob I'd be obligated to warn my partner that there may be an issue of, well, volume.

Yeah, a long, slow, sloppy blowjob would be the ideal way to celebrate my birthday...

-D

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Thursday, February 22, 2007

33 Days, 33 Posts: Day 25 - Trying to Bridge the Gender Gap

A commenter on one of my earlier posts remarked on how much rarer sex-blogs by men are, compared to those by women. He even pointed to my own blogroll, which is certainly dominated by women. A couple of the blogs are group-efforts that include men, and I think that Retrofap has men behind it (though they've been silent way too long). Aside from that, though. The only real male representation is the husband half of Polyamorously Perverse. So over the next few weeks, I'm going to be looking for some male-written blogs that I can enjoy enough to add to the blogroll. In my own defense, there used to be some male-written blogs there, but most of them stopped updating so I removed them. In fact, one of the first ones I linked to was "Living the Bi Life". A shame he quit writing.

One thing I did earlier was to add Jefferson's blog, which I've been reading via RSS for a while, now. I'm probably more envious of him than of anyone else I read. Not just that he's having that much sex, but more that he's in an environment, a circle of people where there's that much going on. Alas, the cruel twist is that the more I ardently long for such, the more desperate I become and thus the less likely that I'd ever get invited into such a social circle. Finding, and striking, that balance is the trick. And for me, it's an extremely difficult one.

In vow news, it was a busy day, so while it was always on my mind, there wasn't any real time to be adequately tempted. But the weekend is coming up on me, and after nearly four weeks I'm seriously gagging for it...

-D

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Wednesday, February 21, 2007

33 Days, 33 Posts: Day 24 - Celebrity Crushes

I've mentioned it in passing before, but I tend to crush on celebrities, actors in particular. I'm a huge movie buff, so it stands to reason that I'd be partial to them.

Most of my crushes make perfect sense, are even passé at this point-- I was drooling over Angelina Jolie the minute I saw her in Hackers and had subsequently rented Cyborg 2. And while I've been weak in the knees for Kate Winslet ever since Heavenly Creatures and Jude, my fan-cred is diminished by the fact that not even the promise of her breasts would get me to see Titanic. (But let's be fair: in Jude, you get full-frontal. What did I need to see Titanic for? I already knew that the boat was going to sink.)

Not all of them make as much sense. For example, I'm totally ga-ga over Bai Ling. She's everything I don't generally like in a woman: petite, rail-thin, almost completely flat-chested. But something about the attitude she gives off. From the first thing I saw her in (The Crow), to one of the cheesiest vampire movies ever to go straight to video (which is saying a lot in that sub-genre), The Breed. And then there was the Playboy layout. Woof. The only issue of Playboy I still own. I usually get the issues with notable celebrities in them... Belinda Carlyle, Shannon Doherty, Tiffany (the '80s singer), etc. But even when I was getting rid of stuff last year, I kept this one. And please, it's just Playboy, it's not like she's going all split-beaver for Hustler or High Society. That said, I rubbed more out to her issue than probably all of the others combined. (Except, maybe, the two that Vanity appeared in. I should have kept them, as well.)

She was a guest on tonight's episode of "Lost". And just as sexy as ever, even flashing a tattoo in one scene. Then, to keep the theme going, I got around to watching this week's episode of "The L Word" off my DVR, and was treated to (naked) guest appearances by Sandrine Holt and Kristanna Loken. Not necessarily big crushes, but I'm sure as hell not complaining. Ms. Lokken's nipples that were cleverly covered by hair in Terminator 3? Very nice. That she was in a sex scene with one of the female principles didn't hurt (hey, I'm just as entranced as the next male).

Luckily, I put the Playboy out of reach with the other porn.

-D

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Tuesday, February 20, 2007

33 Days, 33 Posts: Day 23 - And Counting

I wonder if I'm actually losing my libido by doing this. That, or things are simply crushing on me so much that it's affecting it, and the fact that it coincides with this effort is just coincidence.

Seeing that I'm not as happy at the new job as I thought I'd be, I've been looking at job listings that go past on a site that only lists jobs specific to my specialty. Currently, there are almost three times the job listings for companies in London, than there are for companies here in Silicon Valley. Oh yeah, I made a doozy of a choice, picking here over London...

Still, only 10 more days of this, then I plan to reward myself. Just not sure how, yet...

-D

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Monday, February 19, 2007

33 Days, 33 Posts: Day 22 - Two-Thirds There

Had today off. I think I'm over the frenetic impulses of the last few days, because today wasn't nearly such an issue.

Tired now, I had my weekly Russian lesson, after having missed last week due to being near-death with the flu (well, it felt near-death at the time).

Calling it a night for now.

Спокойной ночи...

-D

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Sunday, February 18, 2007

33 Days, 33 Posts: Day 21 - Nothing But Downers Today

Today was going to be the day I gave up. Mentally, I had given up. I'm in the second day of a three-day weekend (I have tomorrow off), and pretty much everything that could go badly has. A craft project of mine was so badly damaged that I have had to buy a replacement kit and start re-doing about 75% of what I'd already completed. I've been watching "The State Within", recorded from BBC America, and besides depressing me with the flagrant parallels in our fucked-up administration and their fucked-up War On (Some) Terror, combined with all the Britishisms make me regret all the more not having moved. A few other things have gone past my eyes today, many of which have done a bang-up job of reminding me of other dreams I've pissed away.

So I was pretty much in a "to hell with it" mood, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I know the pleasure is fleeting, but right now I could use even a fleetingly-small amount of pleasure. But I'm almost at the 2/3 mark, the goal is almost within sight. So I made it through today. But this whole plan has lost its amusement for me. I don't know that I have anything left to learn from it.

-D

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Saturday, February 17, 2007

33 Days, 33 Posts: Day 20 - Giving Myself a Hand

No, I still haven't broken down and gone on a mad masturbatory spree. But I sure thought about it a lot, today. I didn't go out much, but everywhere I went, every store I went in, the special-of-the-day seemed to be erect nipples and full, ripe lips.

For some reason, it also occurred to me to think back on how long it's been since I wanked for a partner. With my long-term partner P in Denver, I used to do so pretty often. She loved watching me, and watching it spurt out when I came. Sometimes she would "help out" by licking me to provide lubrication. I think the most recent, though, was probably E. But that would still mean that it was sometime in early-to-mid 2001. What a shame... wanking for a partner (and watching them wank, as well) is pretty hot.

-D

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Friday, February 16, 2007

33 Days, 33 Posts: Day 19 - One Day At a Time

Just... get through... today. Worry about tomorrow and the thirteen after it later.

*sigh*

-D

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Thursday, February 15, 2007

33 Days, 33 Posts: Day 18 - Pick a Card

Oh boy, but today was hard. In both senses of the word.

Fever having broke, my energy and appetite(s) were back. As it happened, I had a doctor's appointment already today, a check-up on a weight-monitoring program they have me on (lost 6 pounds in the last four weeks!). They gave me a clean bill of health flu-wise, and told me that I needed to be eating more protein in my diet (no wisecracks from the peanut gallery... especially Gracie and BBG). Too much of the weight was from lean body mass, not enough from fat. But they said it was better than not having lost any weight at all!

It felt good to have an appetite for real food again. Last week's local weekly alt-paper (the Metro) had a cover story on the local Koreatown district that also featured a round-up of several restaurants. I'd been dying to try them out, since Korean is one of my favorite cuisines.

But other appetites came back with a vengeance, as well. And I'd have buckled, too, except that I fell back on an old decision-making trick. See, I often know that when I'm considering going to see an escort, that it's the wrong thing to do, at least at the time. Maybe money is tight, maybe I know deep-down that my real issues-of-the-moment are loneliness, things that an hour with a sex worker won't help. But I'm an addict, see, so just knowing that it's "wrong" isn't enough. So I let the cards tell me. No, not Tarot. Just ordinary cards.

I shuffle the deck, and I decide on a color. Usually, I choose red in honor of the reddish-pink I'm considering paying to see. I cut, and I take the top three. If the majority are red, I decide I'm going to go ahead and do it. If I haven't already, I find someone I'm interested in seeing. Usually, there are 2-4 that catch my eye, so I use the deck again. I try to start with either exactly two or four. I do the same basic thing, assigning colors to the people (or to pairs when there are four) and choose by the majority. Repeat if necessary. I don't always go this route, sometimes I'm absolutely sure of myself, and my reasons for choosing to go the commercial route and I just do it. But today, I was torn between keeping to my goal, or getting my ashes hauled.

Fortunately for my vow, it wasn't in the cards.

-D

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Wednesday, February 14, 2007

33 Days, 33 Posts: Day 17 - The Pivot

This is it. The exact half-way point; there are as many days to go as there are behind me. Aside from the little nocturnal "thing" night before last, I'm still with it.

And it's driving me nuts.

Today is Valentine's. Say what you will about the crass commercialism. Part of me is still a hopeless romantic, and being alone on this day brings me down. To be fair, the last time I had an SO on Valentine's was 2001. That was E, whom I think I might have mentioned before. She was amazing in a lot of ways. One of the most passionate lovers I've ever known, and very adventurous. She worked for Good Vibrations during most of the time we were together. Oh, the times she'd look at me and say, "There's something new I got at work today that I want to try out." I miss that...

Today was really hard, temptation-wise. Not that I was extra-horny... I'm still on the tail end of being sick (fever broke overnight, thankfully). Just the overwhelming desire to feel some human touch. I prowled Craigslist, but seeing a sex worker wasn't an option (too broke, and it would be inconsiderate to risk making someone sick, if I'm still contagious at all) and the handful of casual-encounters ads I answered yielded nothing (except for the one that was actually spam, responding to which triggered an auto-response trying to get me to visit a dating website). If any of them had panned out, I'd probably have blown the whole goal.

Guess it's just as well for me that they didn't.

-D

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Tuesday, February 13, 2007

33 Days, 33 Posts: Day 16 - Oops

This post I've had to back-date by an hour or so, to make it fall on the correct date. I've slept pretty much all of today, except for a little bit earlier when I woke up long-enough to bathe, re-hydrate and check e-mail (and post the Valentine-thing). Should have just done the 33 Days post then, but I went back to sleep.

In other news, I had some intensely-sexual dreams last night. Figures, they come amidst high fevers. I had a nocturnal semi-emission, no less: I woke up at one point on the brink of orgasm, but it only leaked a little bit before the swelling subsided. It was kind of cool! My entire adolescence, I never had a wet dream. The only one I've ever had was my freshman year of college...

I still remember a lot about the dream itself. The woman was Asian, I remember that. At this point, I'd only dated other Caucasian women (and had the on-off affair with the black woman). Granted, I encountered a lot of Asian people in the engineering department, but I hardly fantasized about Asian women specifically. I remember her reaching up to me from the bed, pulling me down to her and pulling me into her. I remember there being kissing. But what I remember most, is that I was already fairly certain it was a dream (usually, when I realize I'm dreaming I can still stay asleep for a while and enjoy it), and it was the first time I could think of that I actually orgasmed in a dream. I remember thinking that it felt so good, when I came. Then her face faded and I woke up. Woke up kind of abruptly, too, due to the sudden damp stickiness around my shorts (a problem I've since solved by sleeping naked!). Fortunately, I was able to clean up and change and get back to sleep without waking my dorm-mate, who was even more sexually-obsessed than I was, and would have made a serious production out of it had he known. (Only weeks before, drunk on Wild Turkey, he'd confessed that he knew I was wanking with some frequency, and explained the ways in which he'd been keeping tabs on me. Yeah, that feeling you got just then from reading that? Pretty much how I felt at the time, too.)

Dausa

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Mmm... Anonymous Electronic Expressions

This has the potential to be really disappointing for me, but I'll take the risk. Blame it on the fever addling my brain right now, normally I wouldn't go for something like this:


I won't see them until 6AM tomorrow, and you can always do it anonymously...

-D

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Monday, February 12, 2007

33 Days, 33 Posts: Day 15 - I'm Getting A Few Free Days

Very sick. Missed work, will almost certainly miss it again tomorrow and maybe even Wednesday. When I am this sick, sex (even wanking) is pretty far from my mind.

Nothing else witty or insightful that I can think of. Only woke up to re-hydrate, then remembered I needed to post.

-D

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Sunday, February 11, 2007

33 Days, 33 Posts: Day 14 - Two Weeks, Unusual Cravings

Two weeks. Wow.

I notice that I seem to be more prone to bisexual fantasies and, well, cravings. No better word to describe it, really. There's probably some deeper meaning to it, but I'll be hanged if I understand it. I've been having vivid recollections of the times I've played with other men (TVs and TSs, mostly). Really vivid. When I am tempted to browse the casual encounters ads, it's the T4M section I imagine browsing. Hmm.

-D

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Nudie Link

I don't think I've linked to any nude galleries before, but Eufrat over at MC Nudes has these wonderful smiles in several of the photos. I just couldn't resist.

-D

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The Bizarro World That is Orange County

Irvine cop jacks off onto a woman he stalked and pulled over.

But it's OK-- she's a stripper, so he was not guilty on all three felony counts:

"She got what she wanted,” said Stokke. “She's an overtly sexual person."

How exactly does that work, again?

-D

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Saturday, February 10, 2007

33 Days, 33 Posts: Day 13 - They're Everywhere, I Tell You, Everywhere!

Lips. They're everywhere. Teasing me with their fullness, with their puffiness. Lips I have no right to be coveting, especially considering what purpose I'm coveting them for.

I ask you, how am I supposed to keep to my vow with all the lips everywhere? Today I went up to Petaluma. But everywhere I stopped, every time I looked over at another driver, I saw lips that I just knew would give good head. Not even two weeks, and I'm already in this state.

I fear falling asleep. I know they'll be waiting for me in my dreams.

-D

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Friday, February 09, 2007

33 Days, 33 Posts: Day 12 - A Short One

If I had more days as frantic and busy as today, I wouldn't have to worry about obsessing over my attempts to keep my hands off myself.

But, now that I'm home and relaxing, I'm really jonesing for a good suckin'...

-D

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Thursday, February 08, 2007

33 Days, 33 Posts: Day 11 - Jealousy

Day 11 of captivity. Captivity of my tackle, that is.

I have to confess to being prone to jealousy. I'm achingly jealous of all of you who are having regular, wonderful, dirty, kinky, loving, rough, gentle, wet, messy, drawn-out, quickie, furtive, languid, solo, duo, group, decadent sex.

Let's be clear, though, and not confuse my jealousy with resentment. By no means do I resent any of you. I don't resent any of the thousands (possibly tens of thousands) of people in my metro area having sex right this minute. I'm just jealous, insanely, sadly jealous of those of you who have partners in your life. Partners who fit you emotionally as well as physically. Some of you have more than one. More that one! There are some of us starving over here! I read your posts, and I ache to have a fraction of what you have. I live vicariously through your writings, and this is why I persist in reading my blogroll throughout this, even as I swear off of porn and erotica. Still, I wonder what it must be like to be in an urban area like Jefferson and the others in NYC, or have a committed relationship as passionate as the ones enjoyed by SalaciousDesires, BBG, or BBG's partner in MILFBlog. I'd love to be able to travel to the parts of the country where I might be able to meet AAG or la fille mariée.

It seems almost silly, to be pledging off of sex when I don't have a partner anyway. That's why avoiding wanking is an important part of the vow; otherwise it really wouldn't be different than any other 33 days of my life (at least lately).

Just don't stop, OK?

-D

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Wednesday, February 07, 2007

33 Days, 33 Posts: Day 10 - Double Digits, CBW & BJs

Wow! Ten days! To think, I only gave myself five days, six max.

It's Wednesday, and I haven't done a cock-blogging Wednesday post in a while. Over at la fille mariée, I commented on one of her posts where she was reflecting on how she wants to become the best she can possibly be at that most critical-to-the-advancement-of-humanity skills: the blowjob.

I offered my proverbial two cents' worth, but for CBW I just want to ruminate on the three best BJs I can remember. Since I have another 23 days to go before I can look forward to one, memories will have to be enough for now. Besides, my first nine posts have been whine, whine, whine, poor me wanting to wank and not letting myself. So here's some walking in my memories, some wonderful memories that I can call upon to keep me warm at nights...

First, and most recently, was one of the people I met during my "Craigslist experiment". I mentioned him in glowing terms at the time, but let's just be that much more explicit. As I mentioned, this guy has a tongue-stud. I love piercings. Especially when the piercing is working my hard-on. I don't buy the premise that gay men just naturally give better head... I've had head from men as mediocre as the most mediocre of head from women. That said, this is the best BJ I can remember. And it came from a guy. Make of that what you will. He didn't use his hands at all. It was all tongue and lips. He laid me on his bed, on my back, with my ass at the edge. He placed his hands on either side of my hips and lowered his face to my cock. It wasn't fully hard yet, so he took what I had to offer and started warming it up. It didn't take long to get it hard. Man, that stud felt amazing. He took me from tip to base, doing things I can't even put into words. I am not exaggerating when I say he spent over twenty minutes working me over. There were at least five times that I was sure I was about to explode, and each time he expertly stopped at just the right moment. Here's something he did, that was certainly augmented by the piercing, that drove me nuts: he would take it as deep as he could, then slowly withdraw, going even more slowly over the last few inches. That's not the special part, the special part is that for these last few inches, he pulled back (down and away from my crotch) in a way that normally would make the tip pop out of his mouth. But he used counter-pressure from his tongue to keep it in his mouth. The net effect was to create a level of suction and pressure that I had never felt before. Finally, finally he let me have my orgasm. And it was good.

Second one that comes, ahem, to mind... the first time I visited that sex worker who rocked my world. That post has a nice blow-by-blow (again, ahem) of our first time together, but here I'll just focus on the oral she graced me with. She's the one whom I've referred to before as having done a lot of rimming (I didn't know ahead of time that was coming, but thankfully I'd washed myself very thoroughly in my pre-session shower). Before she even took me in her mouth, she'd gotten me harder than I could (at the moment) remember with all the rimming. So when she finally took me in, I was sure I'd explode immediately. She went deep, deeper than I would have thought someone as petite as her could. She used her hands a little more than I usually like, but her tongue never stopped moving, so I barely noticed. God, I was so sure I was going to lose it sooner than I wanted to. Eventually, we stopped and moved on to straight sex. But later, after I'd had time to recover from my first orgasm, she started in on me again and refused to stop until I'd come from her oral attentions.

Thirdly (and for now lastly), I go back a good deal further to before I left Oklahoma for Colorado. It was the first time with someone I'd end up eventually living with and exploring in many more ways, with. But that first time, just stands out. To be fair, this is the more emotionally-vested of the three, so I'm probably embellishing it in my memory. But what I remember is how warm and wet her mouth was, that first time as she slowly took me in and inched her way down. She came closer to taking the full length than anyone before her had, and that last little inch or so of sensory input made me feel like I was going to die from the pleasure. I remember thinking that I had probably fallen asleep in front of the TV and was just having a dream-- after all, I was not the sort who manages to seduce the hot next-door-neighbor into a blowjob. But it was real, all right. I don't remember how long it lasted, but I do remember her taking the time to lick and nuzzle around the base of my cock, not just the balls. it was like she was getting a buzz from the musky scent between the base and the join of my legs to my groin. She swirled her tongue in little circles along the underside, stopping at that magical spot just underneath the head that drives me crazy, before sucking right there and trilling her tongue on the ridge of the glans. When I came, and boy did I come, she swallowed me completely. And when I passionately kissed her afterwards, I had unknowingly passed a secret test in my willingness to do so. Men: if you don't like the thought of kissing her after she's swallowed, you'd best remember that the alternative is that she never swallows again. Deal with it.

Enough for tonight.

Dausa

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Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Jon Stewart on Ted Haggard

Reacting to the "news" that ultra-gay-bashing former-Reverend Ted Haggard is now decidedly straight:

Sad news for the gays, as they're referred to: unfortunately, they've lost one of their own, this evening, Ted Haggard. The Evangelical preacher, whom you know was caught doing meth and blowing dudes, um, the Denver Post is reporting he is now COMPLETELY HETEROSEXUAL. He went through a three-week, very intensive... of course, a lot of people would say, "How did they do it? How did they turn this clearly, uh, gay man into a heterosexual?" It's very simple. You know when you were a kid, and your father caught you smoking? And, uh, then he decided to make you smoke a carton? Ahhh... Ted's been a busy boy.

(I was living in Denver when that mess first hit the news. And I take unfair satisfaction at seeing that sort of hypocrite get busted and exposed. It's a flaw of mine, I know.)

-D

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33 Days, 33 Posts: Day 9 - Despair Sets In, and More Links

First, some new links on my blogroll. I swear, it seems like as soon as I swear off of orgasms for a month I find dozens of super-hot blogs I'd not seen before. Just added to the roster:

  • la fille mariée - Her writing is just hot. Simple as that.
  • Polyamorously Perverse - A very loving look as this couple starts exploring poly.
  • We Could be Naked - She's got just the kind of body I like, and she loves and writes about porn. What more could I want? (Except for her to be closer.)

Aside from that, I confess that things have gotten worse but not for the usual reasons. See, like most addicts, I tend to turn to my drug-of-choice when I get really down in the dumps. And these last few days have been tough. Funny thing is, the temptation is to find a partner of some sort-- I'm not really tempted to wank. Luckily, my tight budget has kept me honest. But the closer it gets to V-Day, the worse I imagine the depression will get.

Make no mistake-- I am delighted beyond measure to read about/hear about people having wonderful, amazing sex (and lots of it). But sometimes, sometimes, I just can't help being jealous. Eh, never mind me... it'll pass in a few.

-D

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Monday, February 05, 2007

Sugasm #65



Sugasm #65



Sugasm #65

Mon 5th Feb, 07



The best of this weeks blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #66? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the linklist within a week and you’re all set.


This Week’s Picks

Motel Meeting (http://lafillemariee.blogspot.com)
“As always though, coming together for us meant first holding, then kissing, groping, stroking, and suddenly, there we were, as always, naked, lying together, limbs intertwined on DG’s bed under the cozy, thick white duvet.”

My breasts are not safe for work - welcome to the pink ghetto (http://lustylady.blogspot.com)
“I love to find out things about people’s sex lives and thinking about sex that make me see them, and the topic at hand, in a new light, and often I learn about myself that way.”


Richard Evans Lee
(http://www.sex-kitten.net)
“An increase in sexual empathy. Being able to put yourself in the other person’s heart would curb everything from infidelity to homophobia.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself

Sexual Chocolate (http://sugarbank.com)


Editor’s Choice

Midnight Conversations at the Tick Tock Diner (http://perverselypoly.blogspot.com)


More Sugasm

Join the Sugasm


Erotic Writing and Experiences

Decay (http://blog.myspace.com/tit_elation)
Fuck Me First (http://loladavid.wordpress.com)
Hands (http://onlyamirage.blogspot.com)
Heels, Stockings, Girdle, Bra, Face (http://aslipofagirl.blogspot.com)
Horny… Period! (http://dirtydetails.blogspot.com)
How Hip Swingster Got His Groove Back (http://fourstate.blogspot.com)
Reluctant Mary - Part Two (http://eroticjournals.blogspot.com)
Sex Party Redux (http://plum001.blogspot.com)
Trade (http://turnthelampsdownlow.wordpress.com)


Sex Advice, News, Reviews and Interviews

33 Days, 33 Posts: Prologue, or, This Is Gonna Hurt (http://dausa.blogspot.com)
Apple, sex toys and the genesis of the iPhone Vibrator (http://sextoysinsider.com)
Reader: But Will She Love My Penis? (http://smutandsteff.com)
Taco Tuesday: Toy Review 1 (http://themilfblog.blogspot.com)


BDSM and Fetish

Anxious Fuck (http://dirtylittlecockslut.blogspot.com)
Caution! The Story You Are About To Enjoy Is Extremely Hot - Part Two (http://stilettodiaries.blogspot.com)
Introducing Prisoner #4228 (http://pandorablake.blogspot.com)
The Itch, Part The Last (http://udoj.wordpress.com)
Little Miss Sunshine (http://sweatshopsissy.wordpress.com)
Meeboguest confesses: “I have been a bad boy again…” (http://anawtymouz.blogspot.com)
Quiet The Hum Part Five (http://kissingcorporalkate.wordpress.com)
Spanking on Honeymoon (http://www.spankingwriters.com/blog)


Thoughts on Sex and Relationships

Being Bisexual (http://eroticawriter.blogspot.com)
Cop a Feel, Show Me the Love (http://middleurge.blogspot.com)
Eyes Wide Open for Sexual Possibility (http://www.taratainton.com)
The Feminist Who Wanted to Be Fucked Like a Whore (http://brooklynrake.blogspot.com)
How About Now? (http://thismuse.blogspot.com)
Polyamory: The Great Sexual Alternative Lifestyle (http://www.model-chat.com)


Sex Work

A Lackluster Coming Out (http://www.radicalvixen.com/blog)


Sexy Humor

Meow (http://hard-and-fast.blogspot.com)
Seduction Outtake #17 (http://sabrinainstockings.com)
Who would YOU want to make submit? (http://principalquattrano.com)


NSFW Pics (& videos)

Angela Taylor Naked (http://eroticandy.blogspot.com)
Beautiful french maid upskirt (http://upskirtr.blogspot.com)
For Odysseus Love, Penelope (http://marriedexploits.blogspot.com)
Happy HNT - Dungeon Bondage Chair (http://darkside-journey.blogspot.com)
January’s Cartoon Babe of the Month! (http://secretbrain.blogspot.com)
Slaving Away (http://kitchen-girls.blogspot.com)
Stella & Sandra (movie) (http://myhotbox.blogspot.com)


French Maid Upskirt pic courtesy of Upskirtr.


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33 Days, 33 Posts: Day 8 - Today Was Just Too Easy

You know what else will help you curb your sexual appetites? Depression.

External forces beyond my control brought me into the dumps today. I know I shouldn't let these things have that effect (see the "beyond my control" part), but they do. I worry about people and things. And my situation since moving back here hasn't been as elegant as I had thought it would be, what with the boost in salary over my last position. I suppose if my readership climbs enough, I can always go the AdSense route (not meaning that sarcastically, either-- several of my favorite blogs are AdSense subscribers so I figure I'll at least be in good company).

But between that, and having my weekly Russian Language lesson (eh, it's another long story, but I'm trying to learn Русский), I just never had the chance to worry about it, today. (No thanks to BBG, whose posts on MILFblog and her own blog were quite... inspiring. You'll be getting e-mail from me later this week.)

And, on a completely separate note: Hello to any new readers who found their way here from Sugasm. I recently submitted one of my posts (the start of this 33 Days project), and I am thrilled to have been included in Sugasm #65. Seriously-- to be included on my first time trying is an honor, guys. Thanks.

-D

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Sunday, February 04, 2007

33 Days, 33 Posts: Day 7 - First Week Status

The first week is completed. I've gone from frenetic to almost zen-like in my regard for this.

First off, I've developed a new level of admiration for people like AAG who do regularly manage to post at least once per day. It's no mean feat, and I can only hope that after 33 days of it, it's become a habit for me.

Secondly, I welcome the new readers I've acquired this past week or so. Starting this project has had a sort of domino effect: as part of it, I've also been more inclined to check out new blogs as I see them linked in places like Fleshbot and Sugasm. That's led to me being moved to comment on the excellent writing I've encountered, and that in turn has brought new people here. I'm really happy to have found some really good new (to me) blogs (mentioned a few posts back), and I'm thankful for good feed-reader software so that I don't have to try and visit every site every day!

Thirdly (and lastly), I've had to reconsider many of my habits that are directly at odds with my goal. I've given up on visiting porn sites (like the video site I mentioned a few days ago) just as I've had to put away the porn I own. Likewise the trolling of Craigslist under the auspices of "just looking". As BBG said in a comment on yesterday's post:

They encourage alcoholics to Walk in Dry Places, I'm curious as to why you would continue to tempt yourself with sex blogs etc. while going through this?

I'm not, however, going to stop reading the blogs I enjoy. I read them for reasons far greater than just titillation.I mean, some of the best ones (like Violet Blue) are almost 100% news-and-goings-on oriented. (Of course, her podcasts are a whole different story, but those too are being saved for the time being until the 33 days are up.) What I read, I read because I enjoy it, not because it's wanking fodder. Well, not just because. And I like to keep current with the goings-on of these people, only two of whom I've ever met, because I'm genuinely interested in how life is treating them. So vow or no vow, I'm going to continue reading the blogs. (So DDG and Gracie, do your worst ;-)

Dausa

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Saturday, February 03, 2007

33 Days, 33 Posts: Day 6 - Our Relationship Is Built on Trust

It occurred to me today (and I have no idea why it only just occurred to me today, and not five days ago) that no one reading this is anywhere near me, geographically. Or, if they are, they're not someone I know personally, and therefore not someone privy to me life or having access to it. In the silly movie I referenced at the start of this (40 Days and 40 Nights, for those late to the show), Harnett's character's vow becomes the subject of a global internet betting scheme. His roommate and some of his co-workers are involved in the creation and maintenance of the site/game, so the roommate is always checking up on him (often with an ultraviolet light, to check for tell-tale spots).What I'm getting at is this: there is nothing preventing me from rubbing my dick raw, squeezing out as many orgasms as my gonads will support, and yet claiming to still be on The Program.

Nothing, that is, except an honest desire to see this through.

When it gets right down to the root of it, I'm doing this for myself, to prove to myself that I still have some degree of control over my actions and behavior. The rest of you are, forgive me for saying, just along for the ride as spectators. I need this. I need to know that I'm the boss of my dick, not the other way around (like it is with my cat). My dick has been nudging me more and more into dangerous territory, so I need to rein it in. And when I have days like today, where just breathing makes me horny, I have to let my conscious, deliberate side run the show. Even when it feels like torture, and like I'm completely alone in it. I mean, when a recovering alcoholic is jonesing for a drink, he usually has someone in his AA group he can call. OK, bad example, since there are in fact SAA (Sex-Addicts Anonymous) programs, and I could get into one and have a sponsor and all that. But that sponsor is going to want to see me go without for longer than any 33 days, and that's more than I'm willing to commit to right now.

Ah well, another day closer to my goal. Now, I worry less about obvious temptation and more about the subtle things. Like, for example, when I bought a new bed and new sheets upon my return to California I splurged on flannel sheets and a microfiber blanket. I'm extra-aware of their softness against my skin, these days.

-D

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Friday, February 02, 2007

33 Days, 33 Posts: Day 5 - Movies I Can't Watch

I was reading a post by recently-named Best Sex Blog winner Ilyana Lanai, where she refers back to Angelina Jolie's lesbian turn in Gia. (Just so you know... the cute blond she had that wonderful sex scene with? Now playing "Juliet" on Lost.)

My first impulse was to grab my copy of Gia (unrated edition, of course) and re-visit the scene. But that would be counter-productive to the cause. It got me to thinking about the other DVDs I have on hand, that are currently just as off-limits as my hardcore porn:

  • Sex and Lucia - Probably pretty obvious from the title. Paz Vega's rampant nudity (some deliciously full-frontal) is bad-enough, but there's a scene where Elena Anaya is describing a fantasy scene to the male lead, a scene in which her character is on a couch with a huge dildo playing with herself while watching porn on her TV. Woof.
  • Romance - Hearing French is almost enough to get me stiff, and the fact that this film featured un-faked sex in some of the scenes (without being as blatant as traditional porn) is even better. The female lead isn't as hot (to my tastes) as Paz Vega or Angelina, but I wouldn't kick her out of bed.
  • Irreversible - Few actresses currently working just drip sex like Monica Belluci does. You may want to skip the rape scene about mid-way through (it's so violent and explicit that most of the screening audience at Cannes walked out during it). But almost at the end, there's a scene with Belluci and real-life hubby Vincent Cassel. Probably not as real as in Romance, but damn that boy's drawn a winning karma-card this time around.
  • Y Tu Mamá También - When the three finally have the threesome you've been waiting all movie long for, there's hardly any really hot-and-heavy nudity at that point. But it would set me off, all the same. Oh so hot...

There are other movies just as spicy, but these are the ones I own. There are others I own that would not be so, ahem, dangerous. But these are off-limits for the time being.

Of course, if worse comes to worse, I can just rent The Brown Bunny and let the image of Vincent Gallo getting a true-to-life blowjob from Chloë Sevigny totally kill my libido.

-D

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PSA: Wrap That Thumb!

A German safe sex ad takes "fingerbanging" quite literally.

(Hat tip to Fleshbot's Morning Wood for today.)

-D

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Thursday, February 01, 2007

33 Days, 33 Posts: Day 4 - It Starts Getting (A Little) Easier

I think I'll be getting through until I fall asleep, without any close-calls like I had yesterday, reading new blogs and watching videos. The reason I feel more confident, is that today I passed on probably the most tempting Redbook/Craigslist ad I've seen in years. A black woman of English/Scottish origin... according to Redbook, an almost perfect 10 rating and not a smoker. Tall, too. My perfect package: tall, exotic, GFE but not a smoker, all wrapped in an English accent.

But I chose to stick to my guns. And maybe it's just because I've been busier today than the last three days, but I'm not chomping at the bit like I was last night.

However I am, to be fair, much more acutely aware of my balls than usual. They seem more... sensitive... surely just my imagination.

-D

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Some New Links

Not ready with today's "33 Days" installment, yet. But I thought I'd point out some new links I've added to my blogroll. I suspect that I'll have to go through hoops to retain my links and other modifications (like the JavaScript I wrote for the "Read More" feature I use on longer/more-explicit posts) when I upgrade to the new formatting engine. Better to get as much of this in one place as I can, before I have to start hacking on the templates with the proverbial blowtorch and pliers.

  • Bad Bad Girl - Sweet Jesus, part of me is sure women like this only exist in fevered dreams and/or mainstream porn (I mean, look at the URL). But she seems real-enough, and since it's not like I'd ever meet her in person anyway, it's real-enough to keep reading. But hey, DDG? If you're ever in the bay area, call me?
  • Gracie's Playground - Just as hot, it seems, as BBG. And kinkier in some ways. She has a story of being fucked hard and rough in the bathtub that just about ended the whole "33 Days" experiment for me.
  • How About Now? - Intriguing blog by a woman who's recently taken to escorting. I'm smitten with the attitude she puts across.
  • The MILF Blog - Co-run by BBG and a friend of hers that I'll probably end up adding to the roll soon-ish. Toy reviews, hot talk, from extremely hot MILFs.
  • Retrofap - Mmmm... vintage porn, Russ Meyer starlets, Bettie Page. Hasn't updated much very recently, hope that changes.

I've also added a link to Sugasm, long past due. And one you all might be interested in... www.xxxuploads.com. Tons of user-uploaded videos that actually work in Firefox under Linux! No more having to reboot the laptop to WinXP to look at the porn! YAY! I don't have it linked on the sidebar (might, later), but I enjoyed it so much last night I just had to share. It's got all the Web2.0 buzz-features... tagging, user account that keeps track of your favorites, ratings-system clearly sprinkled with AJAXy goodness. And, like most YouTube-come-latelys, a lot of lame content. But it's also got some amazing content, as well. I may link to some of my favorites in the future. When I dare visit it again, that is.

Seriously-- between the porn and the new blogs, I've only barely kept my promise to myself. I'm going to have to avoid the video site until I finish the 33 days.

-D

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